Symo Says!

Why drive when you can fly AND drive?

2010-06-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

Check this out! Apparently there's a car/plane out there... it's kinda fugly, but if I can drive it and fly it? Pssh. Who cares what it looks like! It's like finding a gal who's a 6 but does everything you want her to, buys the beer, cleans your apartment and leaves! We all knew this day would come, but it's pretty cool to see that day arrive. Gotta start saving my pennies!

Does this guy f*cking work or what?

2010-06-10T00:48:00.001-07:00

Obama has already played more rounds of golf in his presidency than I have in my entire life. And I was on the f*cking golf team. Whatever.

Still, after seeing this, I'm just wondering if he'll have any time to devote to promising the things he said he'd deliver, like jobs, and tax breaks for everybody and unicorns and fuck all. Well, I didn't expect the unicorns. But hey! At least now that' he's president he has spare time to write introductions to people's books. One Nobel winner to another and all. Guess he could knock that out on his flight down to New Orleans...

Engineer THIS!

2010-06-04T20:17:00.001-07:00

Epic Dem Fail.

2010-05-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

Now it's not like we didn't see this kinda stuff coming... oh, wait, we apparently didn't. But seeing this article in the NYT simply made me want to cry, vomit, laugh, punch somebody, etc. Greece, one of the most social of nations over there, needs bailout money. Why? The usual suspects... big unions, bloated beaurocracies and socialized healthcare. Go read that article and tell me with a straight face that all the things we have JUST voted in aren't going to be the ruin of us all? We're currently broke and have already done our bailout deal which we won't recover from for over 10 years. Europe, of whom our latest polices are based on, is struggling mightily from within economically, and there's a pretty dark cloud looming over it all... they might not see economic sunlight for decades. There's a good take on it over at hotair, which sums up this nicely. Seriously, and we're just starting to do this sh*t?

Another thing to keep in mind. The IMF, which is an international conglomerate of nation states, includes the good ol' USA. They are participating in the 138 billion bailout for Greece. Guess who's the biggest contributor? That would be the US of course. So get this, WE have to shell out like 8 billion of OUR TAX MONEY to bail out Greece.

Sigh. Better get outside and plant the victory garden.

Thank You, Ft. Lauderdale

2010-05-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine invited me to join him in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and I had a great time. We hadn't seen each other in 20 years, but I think overall some friends are permanent, because the second I saw him I recognized him... Neither of us has changed much apparently. We immediately went to a local watering hole for some drinks, which is always a good idea after a flight, at least in my book.

During these drinks, I got to meet a lot of really fun people. Amicable would be a good description. Maybe it was because I was pretty much smiling and having a good time that everybody was so friendly to me, but it wasn't hard to have a good conversation. I don't recall from when I lived in Jacksonville the people being all that friendly, but then again, that was a long time and many beers ago.

I wish I could've stayed longer, but for everybody in Ft. Lauderdale, thank you for your hospitality and good times. I won't go into specifics about the trip for security purposes, but let's just say I can highly recommend the place. Lots of good lookin' women down there, with just the right attitude. Just be sure to smile and be friendly... and don't drink too much.

It's over :(

2010-05-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

So, the Red Wings end another season, only in the second round. Well, to be honest, I kinda saw it coming. The Sharks played better, got some favorable calls, and apparently could skate on their own southern ice, because I saw at LEAST 10 times during last night's game where various Wing players just fell the f*ck over for absolutely no reason. 10 times! If not more! It was unpleasant to watch... I'm thinking it was the skate sharpener. Bastard :P

But, for all the stuff that sucked to take the victories away from the Wings, I think this was a good year. I think Helm is going to shape up to be a dominant player, if only for the effort he puts out on the ice. I cheer for him every time he gets the puck. All of the young guys are pushing hard to play well, and losing in the second round might be just what this team needs going forward. Heck, most of them won the cup 2 years ago, and considering the injuries and the amount of work they had to put in closing the season, it would be understandable if they were just freaking tired.

Overall the Wings did fine. Let them have their long summer. It'll give them time to heal and think about the brutal 2nd round exit. I think next year, they just might be better than ever.

One for the Left (Update)

2010-05-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently, some folks on the left are angry with Barack for not overreacting to this oil-rig catastrophe in the Gulf. Bill Maher, of all people, and his trained-seal audience.

Give Obama crap? What? What the hell is the matter with you people? Don't get me wrong here, I know El Presidente is doing his best to sabotage this country and it's freedoms. However, to say that this is somehow his fault or even his responsibility is ridiculous. They build safety shutoff systems, and apparently this one is broken. The mere fact that we've gone this long without something like this happening already is a miracle, as far as I'm concerned. There's talk that BP might go under because of this, and I suppose if they can't put a lid on this thing, that would be a distinct possibility.

Certainly this problem needs a solution, and I'm sure BP is going out of their minds trying to find one... we're talking about billions of dollars here, not to mention the doom of offshore drilling. But to criticize Obama? Really? Well, to be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to blaming everything on him when he gets out of office, but I'll save that for later.

In the meantime, let's all cross our fingers and pray that some engineer finds an answer... killing fish and turtles isn't cool. Good Luck and God's Speed, BP.

Update:

Well, okay. I learned some things... like there were supposed to be pieces in place if in case this happened. The 9 days afterward. The fact that he went on vacation 2 days afterward??? Seriously? So it becomes Obama's Katrina, of which I think is of a different scale and not the same thing, but I see the parallel. The fact that he's perpetually on vacation with his family is really starting to get under my skin. People are missing the fact that with this disaster, there's power, fuel and supplies to be made available in this instance, which was not the case for Katrina. The scale of the disasters are different in their mechanics because people won't be killed for the oil disaster, but certainly the longer this goes on the greater the environmental impact throughout the entire gulf reigon. But, critters don't vote, so the delayed response won't be noticed by anybody but environmentalists. It'll be interesting to see who they vote for in 2012.

Awesome sendoff bud...

2010-04-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

For this guy who apparently loved riding so much, his family, for his viewing, put him on a crotch rocket... I hope the burial is just as unique. I hope my friends/family do something creative like that for me, but they'd probably misread it and NOT put me between 2 asian beauties. Asian, Russian, American, I don't care. Just put my head between something lovely. As per a previous post, I'm sure Doc would've loved to have him buried with his hand on the stick of an F4u. I'll have to keep that in mind....

Arizona, eh?

2010-04-29T00:52:00.000-07:00

The only problem I have with the theory is that dumbasses who think the cops will put down the donuts to do anything are completely wrong with their nazi theories. Nazis don't eat donuts. Struedels, maybe.

To get a good perspective on this, I like this article. There's a video out there on YouTube of some loud Boston guy yellin' about this a few years back, but nobody cares, because it's racist. No, it's nationalist. I don't care if people come here from different countries. Sign the guestbook, pay your taxes, take the damn test and live here forever. SERIOUSLY. We're not asking for much, and the jerkoffs who live by the "why should we be checking for illegals" should be thinking "if they're not breaking the law, what's the problem?". We live in the era of easy ID. There is NO reason to not have ID. I have ID for NJ unemployment for f*cks sake. Sign the book, do your part, and BE an American, not like the unpatriotic douchebags who fly Mexican flags in AZ who are protesting policies because THEY DON'T FUCKING LIVE THERE. The only people who SHOULD be pissed about a law like this are people who are breaking the freaking law. How hard is that? I don't know any illegals, and to be honest, if I WAS suspect about 'hadji" or 'achmed' or 'jose' or 'john', I SHOULD BE! Until you, who I don't know, and don't drink with on a regular basis have proven your dedication to America, I don't really give a damn where you're from. There are plenty of terrorists (read: democrats) who are currently doing their best as US citizens to sabatoge this nation. Therefore, we need to suspect everybody, because if you're not breaking the law, YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM, RIGHT?

Simple. Don't break the law, and you don't get deported. My ancestors signed the fucking book, paid taxes and became staples to this economy. Despite your efforts to keep our lawns green (and anything unlocked empty), the illegal element (6%? 12%) of your Mexican incursion is the downside of your desire to reclaim the southwest(how's that 13 treatin' ya?) The stand that AZ is making is warranted and long overdue, as in evidence all over the country... although, it could be a Democrat plot to plant seeds to make future voters...

I smell a lawsuit...

2010-04-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Big Ben get suspended for 6 games, and now is no longer the de-facto leader in Pittsburgh anymore. The Rooneys have sent a harsh message, which I'm guessing ultimately is "You're a dick, don't let the door hit you on the way out". It will be interesting to see how Roethlisberger handles all of this, and whether some team will want him for a top ten draft pick.

But I question the validity of any of this... he wasn't found guilty of anything, so it's up to the moral depictions of his actions over whether he actually did anything? I'm sure he's no saint, and to suspend him for his 'conduct' is within the rights of the NFL, although 6 is a good chunk of games for something that may or may not have happened.

But now his name is lower than mud in Pittsburgh, so his career will never be the same. I've heard the "he's a jerk" stories from some people, so perhaps the change will be for the best for all parties concerned. Yet as far as his rights go, what if he gets both of the women in question to exonerate him? Can he then take them to court for his losses? The man lost a guaranteed job over speculation about sexual misconduct, and his contract was for a ton of money, for a long time. I'd be really pissed right now if I were him, and frankly, I'd take the bastards to court.

The days of quiet

2010-04-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's been pretty quiet around here lately, despite playoff hockey consuming my evening hours. The economy sucks, employment sucks (for me at least, and a couple folks I know), the goverment REALLY sucks... you get the picture. I keep reading political garbage out there, and despite the fact that everybody is pissed at the way things are currently, and the way they're headed, and no matter who's side you're on you're not happy. It's bleak, I tell ya.

So South Park makes an attempt at making me laugh, and laugh I did. Have you heard about episode 201? The one with the references to... uh... that prophet guy? No? Apparently it's been suggested that they face reprisals for depicting that guy in a bear mascot outfit. I thought the sequence was utterly brilliant, so if you're a fan and haven't seen it, find it. Hysterical stuff.

Seriously though, in the episode they went to great lenghts to point out the absurity of the depiction nonsense, and ultimately, no, it's not alright. Threats come in from the hatemongers themselves. Religion of peace my ass. Why don't the peace loving muslims go reign in the extremists? All this killin'. For dirt. Just makes me a sad panda.

Crap. I thought I could quit.

2010-03-25T01:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't.

I neglected to cut the cord, so here I find myself pining to write... again. I'm no writer, but certainly I had an audience of at least 2 people. So, prepare yourselves. I shall return.

Symo

The Last Post (Farewell)

2009-12-12T02:26:00.000-08:00

Well folks, you can see that I haven't been blogging lately... I'd even like to blame it on laziness, but I've realized that it's not about blame, it's about focus. The random thoughts and opinions I've put up here started out as fun, but I cannot put forth the effort to maintain a consistency that would be satisfying to the masses and ultimately myself.

The bloggers that have inspired me to start this thing continue to entertain, frustrate, enlighten and infuriate me. However, it is time for me to close this "chapter" of my electronic ramblings to focus on other projects. The anvil awaits, and I haven't even smelted the mental ore needed for my own success. I have fired up the smelter, however...

So, carry on smartly people... you'll be hearing from me again.

Always,

Symo

This is NOT what I wanted to write about.

2009-11-24T00:23:00.001-08:00

You'd think after a 2 month absence, I'd want to write about politics or some shit. Nope. You know who's pissing me off today? Americans. Allow me to explain.

Leading up to today is Adam Lambert. You hear of him? He's that quasi-gay guy that finished 2nd on American Idol this season. There was speculation during that season that he was gay. He had pretty much been selected by the pros as number one, but he didn't win. Not that he didn't deserve it, but because the other guy was, in my opinion, more blue collar American. Most of the grandma's out there really don't want to see a guy with 'guyliner' win, regardless of how androgynous he may have portrayed himself.

The concept of the show is to pin the "American Idol", and I for one didn't vote for Mr. Lambert (I may be stepping on toes with that Mr. part there...). Yes, I'll admit, I did catch a few performances by both Kris Allen and Adam Lambert, and despite the oozing talent from Lambert (I didn't like the ooze), Allen's cleaner, albeit dryer vocals, captured my interest more.

So we come to Lambert's anticipated release of his first album (for your entertainment), and apparently it's a doozie. I read a couple reviews, (f the link) and they're glowing about it. I'm sure it's good, and it has a lot of skill. The guy has more talent than I do, and that's saying something. I would kill to have a voice like that because I CAN sing, but not like him. Holy crap, the guy is good. Props. Srsly.

Back during the AI competition, they speculated on his sexuality, but he (wisely) demurred to no answer about it, which of course meant he was gay (not even bi, imo). If you don't say "Guys? I don't do guys", then you're pretty much admitting to bisexuality as a man, which makes you light in the loafers by default. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I think he only deflected the question to give him a shot at the dough, because with 30% of the people in this county loving Sarah Palin, his shot at a million bucks was DEAD if he admitted it during the competition.

So, we come to today. He had a performance. Apparently, he did his gayfest live for all of America to see, and apparetnly some people are irritated by this.

My question is, WTF? Did you NOT see this coming? I hate to quote Limbaugh here, but this country has been 'chickified'. Why the hell would people complain about this?? This is EXACTLY what they wanted, what they asked for! Hollywood, the public sector, the recording industry... who DIDN'T want this guy doing this? He practically spelled it out for us and now you're going to be mad about it?

I'm sick of people being upset about what they asked for. You lie in the bed you make. I applaud Mr. Lambert and his success, because he is reminiscent of David Bowie... This time though, instead of posing a question and a statement to his audiences, Lambert is placing a stamp on the finality of the industry... it just feels like it's not normal to be straight anymore, and as a Man who will never, ever, ever, sleep with another man, that just makes me sad for those who will have do endure this popular culture icon for the incoming future. After all, the man(?) does have talent, after all. Hero to the masses. He and Lady Gaga. I never thought I'd be on the same page as Camille Paglia.

You know what? To hell with it.

2009-09-26T09:59:00.001-07:00

Serenity was nice enough to comment on my last piece, and it... well... pissed me off. I am SOOOO tired if "war is bad" people who think that all of this is our goddamned fault. So you know what? I'm kinda tired of our boys getting killed too, so here's my idea:

We're done. Bin Laden, here's the deal:

We pull out now, unconditionally. Today. On one condition: if any further action (suicide bombings, schools shot up, etc.) happens, ANYWHERE, EVER, FOR ANY REASON NO MATTER WHAT TERRORIST GROUP, WE WILL BRING HELL ON EARTH(that would be nuclear weapons, in case you were wondering) TO WHEREVER YOU ARE, AND EVERYONE THAT SURROUNDS YOU, NATION STATES BE DAMNED.

k? You stop, we stop. Then maybe we can talk about it.

Yours truly,

USA.

I'm also at the point of thinking "fuck it" and bringing everybody home, future consequences be damned. When bombs start going off in a hometown near you, don't blame me.

Remote warfare question, and what I said...

2009-09-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked me why we can't just use remote warfare (drones and such) to win the war in Afghanistan, and I really liked what I wrote in reply, so I'll share it. And yes, I have watched the clip... I won't embed it here, but it's a demo of 2 folks driving predator drones. Kinda dry. YouTube clip here.

I haven't watched the clip yet (I will, what red-blooded male doesn't like to see stuff get blown up???), but there are problems with "remote" warfare. First of all, the primary idea of "men" (Using the term as a unit, not as a gender!) on the ground is for diplomatic reasons as well as operational. We can't see through walls, so to confirm that a target is a valid one is a top priority for US operations. Despite the perception that we're a bunch of gunslingers, we as a country do more than any other military force to confirm that the guys are enemies, and you have to have a real pair of eyes on the ground to validate targets (more often than not). Once we blow away the bad guys, we need people to talk to the locals to find out info, take situation assessments and look for things that you just can't see from the air. More often than not, when innocents get killed, it's because of missiles and artillery, not men with rifles.

I personally am tired of sending our boys off to war, but the military advisors that are over there are reporting that despite the appearance of stagnation, we are making progress. Well, that was until we blew up that fuel depot last night. Bad news, that.

Students of Vietnam (the real military historians, not right or left wing mouthpieces) have repeatedly stated that the only reason we didn't win in ' Nam was because the political pressure from the anti-war crowd limited the amount of resources and manpower we were allowed to send. Once they stopped the real support, with men and equipment, the war was lost. As a lot of guys who returned from that fight said, "We would've won the war, but the politicians wouldn't let us". The Afghan scenario is similar, but this time it's about getting the locals to accept their own fate, run out the taliban (only 6% support them, which is down from about 60% a few years ago), and continue the peaceful processes (6 Million children are in school in Afghanistan currently, compared to about 1 Million (or less) that were attending only a couple years ago).

War can be won with technology, but as we learned from the 60's, 70's and 80's with our spy programs, there is no more valuable asset than one on the ground, who can look and listen to what's happening. Yes, the techology is getting better and smaller, almost to the point where we will have robotic eyes and ears and can make better tactical decisions, but even the most advanced robot can't hand a child a can of MRE's (meal ready to eat... GI food), which is more valuable diplomatically to the civilian population than a drone that may or may not lay some serious hellfire on your village.

Just keep one thing in mind... the people that are over there, fighting for the Afghan's and Iraqi's freedom have volunteered to do so. This isn't a draft, and despite the couple of jerkoffs that come back from the war with negative stories (which we always hear about) we don't get to hear the stories of the troops with the positive tales of compassion, humanity and freedom. I mean, think about it. Even if we leave the place with half of the people simply thinking that they CAN become a free society, then we have achieved what we set out to do. Inspire others to be free, even if it is not in our own image.

After re-reading this a dozen times, I think I answered the question, lol... There's a photographer embedded in with the troops in Afghanistan , Michael Yon.

http://www.michaelyon-online.com/

His stuff will take your breath away, and give you some real insight into the conflict. God bless him (and keep him safe!!!).

add: For those who can support Mr. Yon, every dollar helps.

Rest in Peace, Doc

2009-08-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

I lost a good friend last week, which is why I haven't been posting. A hard working man who I respected deeply, his extreme views on politics and life in general will be greatly missed. Should I ever achieve a level of excellence in my work as he so easily performed in his, I could rest peacefully knowing I had brought my very best to the table.

I'll miss you Doc.

Symo

(The Mosquito was one of his favorite historical planes. Doc was an avid model builder, and I am proud to own an F6F Hellcat that he custom built just for me)

Healthcare solutions?

2009-08-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

I certainly don't want to ruffle any more feathers, but here's my take on the deal...

Yes, poor people need health care too. No argument there. Quite frankly, I don't want to pay for it. There is no way in hell I really want a good chunk of my tax dollars to pay for the poor. I'm sorry, but if I want to contribute to it, put a checkbox at the bottom of my tax return requesting I give 20 bucks to the government insurance option (more on that in a bit). This way, I can choose to be a good guy when I want to, not when the government says I must. The reason I don't want them playing with my tax dollars for government programs to pay for the poor is simple... there is no way in hell the government could provide the services necessary within budgetary concerns. Think about it. 400 dollar band aids.

We do need a solution that addresses the insurance racket greed. I mean, I pay 6k a year. I've had insurance for a long freaking time (with a gazillion providers). So say in 10 years, that's more than 50k I've paid to various companies when I've needed a total of about 120 bucks in actual doctor care. Sure, it cost like 600 dollars for that 120 dollars worth of work, but hey, I only had to pay them 35 dollars for the visit. How does THAT math add up, anyway? If I pay for 6k worth of coverage per year, I shouldn't have to pay a freaking CENT when I go for a checkup. What I'm saying here is I am for a government option to provide insurance. This will force competition, and may allow change in the system, along the lines for health insurance to become more like life or auto insurance, which can be taken with you from job to job, state to state. Competition increases, costs for the insurance companies will actually drop because the equity invested by a lifetime subscriber will translate into lower costs as the individual keeps his healthcare for ten years, not one or two, so if you don't "make claims", you're not costing them anything and over a long period the money you invest will become your 'healthcare retirement fund'. Lots of little things too, especially to lower overhead for the businesses, and a more complete ease of use for the client. Lots of win-win to be had around here, but people are stubborn. Myself included. I mean, I want my option to choose my insurer, just as much as my provider. I don't like my choices now as much as I would if I could watch funny Geico commercials about health insurance.

Oh, the death panel thing? I do think if we get to a single payer option that would be a very real possibility. If the government takes the competition out of health care, we're doomed. I don't care about the reality of healthcare for socialized medicine in the UK or Canada. We aren't the UK or Canada. I know the DMV reference is tired, but Americans can be incredibly lazy when they want to be. If we seriously take out the individual success achieved by becoming a doctor, which is a giant house in the suburbs apparently, who's going to want to be the healthcare providers? There will always be a calling for some, but I think a lot of the talent that is attracted by financial security will dry up if there is no drive to be the best doctor you can be. The really good doctors and surgeons should make a lot of money in my opinion, and I would be willing to subscribe to the insurance provider that has access to the best. Choice is the American way. I also wonder what happens to all the University hospitals... do they get absorbed into the system? How about the religiously affiliated? "I'm sorry, you can only be treated here if you're Catholic... separation of church and state and all..." Just wondering.

Tort reform is something that needs to be addressed as well, but I don't know enough about that to yap about it. Doctor Burke and I had a discussion on that very subject about 7 years ago, but I've had a lot of beer since then, so I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. I can imagine it would only be worse now. I'll leave that one up to the Doctors and the useless jerks up on the Hill.

It can be done. There can be a way to get everybody to get along on this issue, just not out of my pocket. Unless I want to of course. Paying for 47 million other people's insurance pisses me off since I still have a stupid co-pay, with more taxes to boot? Nope. Throw out this bill and get something hammered out that de-regulates and fixes, not changes a system that could work if just given the proper steerage.

This sucks.

2009-08-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

Lots of chatter about what's going on in this country, so let's talk about some of it.

I hope the birther thing finally goes away. Enough. Congress unanimously passed a resolution stating Obama's birth proof is valid. That includes Republicans. Over. Done. Please. Thank you. I do wonder why he has chosen to keep his school work private... every other President hasn't had a problem with it, so that does concern me. Regardless, until the media (whole different issue) decides that the payday will be worth it, I think everyone can agree that they're not going to disparage "Rock Star" Obama. Thanks for the idea Geo, and overall that about sums up the media issue... if he can clean up this mess, he'll get a chance for a second album. If not, well, there's always being a one hit wonder. For all of our sakes, let's hope it's not 'The Chicken Dance'.

Is this healthcare stuff ugly or what? I believe it is possible to fix the current system by regulating the insurance industry instead of having government take it over. Healthcare is best left to private indusry because of the nature of competition in America. For those who claim that our healthcare is bad, then why does the rest of the world come here for the hard stuff? Seriously folks, would you go anywhere but here to get fixed? Didn't think so. Granted, there are solutions to specific problems that aren't legal here, but that'd be a different post. I was actually surprised when I found out coverage was over 75% of this country... figured it would be more like 60-67. Regardless, it isn't broken for me, so perhaps I'm resistant to change. I'm a single male, no kids. For me it isn't a big deal, but for those who don't have the ability to take care of family would have a different light on this. I'd take government healthcare in a second if I had a child to take care of. I do worry about the screamers and the freakshow media event this has become... I don't recall seeing this kind of a divide. It's like watching the South Park episode about the election, and how everybody is over the top. If (when?) the riots happen, I'm moving to Georgia... at least my friends down there are armed. As far as the promises go to institute the regulations to provide competition, let's hope it becomes competitive, and not just another plot by politicians to find another source of revenue. Worst case? Government insurance that is always juuuust a tad more expensive than what is already in place now. Everybody gets paid, and there are no changes except in the taxes we end up paying to pay for those who are on the government plan. Worst case. Yikes.

I had more, but then I had dinner, so I'm done here. I'll just go back to havin' a couple beers and hope when I wake up in the morning we haven't started shooting yet. Not enough ammo here for all these Democrats here in Jersey. Corzine first.

Need a job? How about Bermuda?

2009-08-06T19:53:00.001-07:00

So the 4 ex-detainees released from Guantanamo are working at a golf course in Bermuda. The Brits aren't very pleased with the situation, but I think it's hysterical. Can you imagine being one of these guys, doing whatever the hell they were doing (non-conspiratorial, since they're not a threat) in China or Afghanistan or wherever, then end up working in Bermuda? Sure, spending all that time in prison sucked, but at least they get a chance to work at a premier golf course in a tropical paradise. It's also good to know they're doing quite well at their jobs, but not surprising considering going back to China isn't really in their best interests... outstanding Chinese warrants or something.

Maybe Tiger can hire them when the tournament is over...

How time flies...

2009-08-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Howdy all, yes, I've been slackin' on the blogging. I'd tell you to sue me, but I really don't have much. That should be a good lead in...

Not a lot going on that I actually want to write about. Like, there's this story about a woman who decapitated her infant child and ate it's brain, but that's not a fun topic. Chewed off a couple toes too. Yikes. h/t to the Fookisan.

You all know I'm a right leaner, so I'm not going to go off on the vehicle which is our economy driving headlong into a ditch. If you can't run a clunkers promotion for a freaking WEEK, then I really don't want you in charge of another healthcare system since you haven't figured out the bugs in the first one. Or two. Maybe more, but I'm not a Czar so I shouldn't know these things... oh wait, the Czar doesn't have to know either. That's cool. Glad my tax dollars are paying these 44 (or whatever... I lost count after 30) assholes over 100k a year each. Maybe I can apply to be a horrible blogger Czar... crap. Wouldn't work. I know too much.

My hours have been cut at work, and since I'm a contracting type, I don't get paid. Not fired, but having your employer say "you're taking week off" just kinda sucks. I'm happy to be working so I wouldn't dare bitch, and that's a really frightening position to be in. I can't even imagine how it feels to be unemployed with this kind of grim stagnation out there. We've accepted the fact that it sucks and now we want it working again... I just don't want the government at the helm of what appears to be a ship without a rudder. Somebody, anybody, needs to get everybody on the same page, because we're all over the place.

They haven't buried Michael Jackson yet? The French (now) are more conservative than us??? Russian subs are cruising our eastern seaboard, Obama still hasn't backed off of backing the bad guys. Oh wait! There is good news out there, Michael Phelps can smoke(yes, I know, was before whatevs) AND win a few more medals. Good for you pal. Hey, even I have my liberal side.

What's up with the Jews selling kidneys in New Jersey? I mean, they can't donate themselves, but if there's a dollar to be had. Good Lord. 40 some politicians indicted, and not a lot of heat about it. Like this happens every day. What? 40 some corrupt guys? No big deal....

Okay, I'm done for now. Just so you know, I'm not dead, I'm just sleeping.

Justice for Mayfield?

2009-07-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting story, in my opinion. Jeremy Mayfield, NASCAR driver, was cleared by a district court judge after supposedly testing positive for Methamphetamines. This has been going on for a little while, and I for one couldn't think of any real reason to overturn the lab results. However, as with any beaurocracy, mistakes happen and the influence on a case such as this one is hard to ignore. At some point, the "b" sample wasn't given the opportunity to be tested by an independent source, so I'm fairly sure that sealed the deal for Mayfield's exoneration.

I have a few questions though...

If the B sample also tested positive, then the lab didn't screw up with some clerical error. This had to be his pee, right?

I know they don't really test these guys all the time, so maybe in a case where a positive comes up they forget how to proceed and just go to the "b" sample. Granted, you'd think they would know what comes next. Is there a manual for this? How did they screw this up?

If the test was real, and his claims of a cocktail causing the false positive are true, why is the prosecution so adamant that it's not possible? As it turns out with a brief perusal of Wiki, Adderall returns a false positive on Meth. Granted, Mayfield could have edited the article, but still.

Next, how on earth could Mayfield be a Meth head? At what point in a three hour race, with a camera on him at all times, does he do a bump (that would be a dose for all you non-meth-taking people out there)? Is it built into his helmet? Maybe he has a "special" respirator or something. Not bloody likely. Most people go through withdrawal at some point, so it wouldn't be good to get all twitchy and anxious at 200 miles an hour.

There are some other tidbits in that piece about how he risks the safety of other drivers and fans, but seriously, I had my doubts from when the results came out. Despite the fact that some people don't consider these drivers athletes, sitting in a 120 degree cockpit in a fire suit for three hours is a tough task at 75, much less 190+.

The only thing I can't really get my suspicions around is why haven't any other drivers come out to stand by him. You'd think some of his former teammates might stick up for him. Being that is not the case (that I can find, at least) leaves, in my mind, the biggest reason to suspect the worst. I guess when he runs this weekend in Daytona, we won't necessarily get the truth, but maybe someone will check his helmet for a stash or something.

The funny thing is, he's going to get tested before the race, and if he's still on Adderall...

Damn you Sarkozy!

2009-07-01T10:28:00.001-07:00

What's the big idea, standing up to Muslims and telling them they can't wear burqas in public? I mean, how can I continue with my French hating if you do the right thing? Cut it out! You're taking away one of my favorite past-times!

WMD's found? Not that they want us to know about it...

2009-07-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah, old news, but new articles. This article has a lot to say about the WMD's they DID find in Iraq. It's a wonder nobody reports this stuff...

Overload!

2009-06-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

Too much has been happening lately. God rest your soul, Billy Mays. Your grating pitches were annoying, then endearing. We'll miss you.

Obama, I'm pissed at you too. What is it with you siding with known socialist dictators, yet ignore the pleas of dying Iranians... oh, wait, you did finally say something a week later or something. Whatever. Cap and Trade? Going to cause the major manufacturers of fuel to stop making it here. Great work with that, increasing our dependence on foreign oil. Healthcare fix? We're at 75% (or more) covered. That, and hospitals cannot deny treatment due to this thing called the hippocratic oath. Too many people ride the wagon for free as it is, I don't want to wait 5 months for a specialist, since there won't be many who will work for pennies. Unemployment is going to rise again, businesses are moving to Canada (and probably Mexico, soon) and taxes are going to increase. Rumblings about a Value Added Tax are coming around, which will make our economy better HOW?

Sure, the Republicans aren't much better with their family values of f*cking in Brazil, or Vegas, or New York. McCain wants to keep the illegals, the party as a whole is about as cohesive as a headless flock of chickens and Palin still thinks she can handle the spotlight. Not so much. I like Limbaugh, because at least he's just a recovering addict and losing weight so he has more to be righteous about.

Too bad about that girl that was killed in Iran... she was beautiful. The election is over, but I think the Iranians will figure out what's important in the long run. Not our business anymore. As we pull out of Iraq, and the Iraqis cheer our departure, I couldn't feel better about it, actually. We did establish the sentiment of freedom... now let's hope they all buy stuff so my investment in Iraqi dinars can pay off. The way our economy is tanking, I might make a LOT of money.

Be careful out there folks!

2009-06-25T16:02:00.000-07:00

First Ed, then Farrah, now Michael... I am saddened by the loss of the first two, but feel that children are just a little safer now because of... well... you know. Just sayin'.

A fine idea by an Iraqi

2009-06-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

So the first Iraqi "Craigslist" is open for business (article). That's pretty cool, and I applaud the guy for getting it off the ground. One small step for capitalism, one giant dam ready to burst and drown the people in excess, just like us. Seriously though, good job. I wonder if his tech support will go to... ah, nevermind.

Pros and Cons of being a Hooters girl?

2009-06-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

Read a nice piece (no pun intended) about the pros and cons of being a Hooters girl, and it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know... at least from the visible male side of things. I can only imagine how rough it would be to parade around in that god-awful uniform all day, and being ogled on top of it. Well, the ogling wouldn't bother me... those panty hose would. Those things are super-insulating. Hot as hell. Don't ask.

I have been on the pro #5 side (Thank you girls of Canton and Kennesaw, GA), and had to chuckle at the list... it's all true. And for all of you who want to scream "objectification", yeah, go ahead... you're probably ugly, flat or fat (although I've seen all 3, even on one girl, working at Hooters). For everybody who isn't a feminazi, I recommend the ham sandwich with the horseradish sauce, or the grilled cheese platter with bacon and tomato when hungover.

Hey, ever heard of this guy Favre?

2009-06-17T16:11:00.001-07:00

Favre says he is considering playing again

Do you believe that sh*t? I mean, seriously dude. "Just Say No" to whatever it is that gives you the delusion that you really need to be on the football field. Come on pal, we're done here. Please. For us. For somebody. Have a kid. Do some charity. Become a talking head. ANYTHING but returning to football.

lol...

Crap. The lull begins! Let's laugh at the Liberals!

2009-06-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know... I said I wouldn't. Well, I'm bored out of my gourd. Today, one of my favorite douchy douche liberals, Bill Maher, had this to say(whole article here):

"Remember during the campaign when John McCain attacked Obama for acting like a celebrity and we all laughed at the grumpy old shellshocked fool? Well, it turns out he was right."

And how about this lovely tidbit?

" And like Lohan, we see your name in the paper a lot, but we're kind of wondering when you're actually going to do something."

But wait! There's more!!!

"Obama needs to start putting it on the line in fights against the banks, the energy companies and the healthcare industry. I never thought I'd say this, but he needs to be more like George W. Bush. Bush was all about, "You're with us or against us.""

With the privatization of GM and banks, and the prospect of socialized medicine looming over the horizon (shudder to think), I'm extremely pissed off that this guy (Obama, that is) is driving our country into a black hole of debt, and ultimately, despair.

However, there's a bright side! I feel like I'm the one riding the bomb to the ground, waving my hat and saying "Told ya so! You fucking SHEEP!" You bought into his rhetoric hook line and sinker, and what was said?

Iraq was an illegal war! We haven't done anything there! Well, according to the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD, Bush is being viewed as the dumbass who made the right move, creating a spot for democracy in the Middle East. I've been saying that since 1991, but everybody has been saying, "No, it's about Oil". Yes, oil is there, so it is a factor. But that doesn't change the premise that we needed to LIBERATE THE FUCKING PLACE. Okay? We did, it's working, and it's bringing... Oh, I dunno.... HOPE! CHANGE! And it wasn't even Obama, it was, you guessed it, BUSH. Assholes.

Oh, but how about that hope and change? Hoping he leaves me some change after he drives the economy into a ditch, illegally fires people who are doing their jobs, attempting to socialize medicine, which is incredibly difficult at best, and he wants it done by August or some shit. Claims not to want to run anything, so why do we have 40 Czars now? Come on, a 31 year old guy with no experience is now the president of GM. W.T.F.? The Europeans are making fun of us like never before, because now we don't stand for anything... we're just an apologetic entity, supported by funding from China. Wow. Great. Thanks for the image boost.

Okay, back to work. I just wanted to say something so y'all didn't think I offed myself after the loss.

Oh, Maher, you're a tool, and a cocksmoker.

See ya later, Comrades.

Grats Pens.

2009-06-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened. After Rafalski blew every chance he had to make a good play for the first 40 minutes, the little voice inside said "It ain't gonna happen". Hossa didn't score (tool), and it looked like everybody on the ice was thinking "Well, we won last year. No biggie". Except for that tool Hossa of course. You'd think he would've played to win.

So, all you Pens fans out there, you deserved this cup more than the Wings did, and it showed. Bylsma is a f*cking genius, that's for damned sure.

That's all for now. Have a nice weekend everybody.

48 hours of madness

2009-06-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay, more like 50. By the time anybody reads this, it'll probably be more like 2 if my hit counter is lucky. Regardless, after another well played home game by the Pens yesterday, we all have to wait for game 7 on Friday. 8:00 p.m. Channel 4. Just in case you didn't know. Yeah. Sure.

What a game though! I have noticed that all throughout the playoffs, the Wings have done this to the opponents when playing away games... start slow, pick it up halfway through, dominate the 3rd (not so much yesterday) . We can speculate about the what if's, but they aren't important. All that's left is game 7. Wings played for a shot at winning, but the Pens sent the message that more or less came across as "Not this time, you fucks". I can appreciate that on a lot of levels, so bravo again Pens. What a f*cking series.

This is the part that kills... the wait. I have confidence that the Wings will be fine going back to the Joe. Fleury has been weak on the road, so there isn't another player that has more pressure going into this last battle than him. Ozzy has been solid, nobody will question his play so far. Malkin and Crosby will have their blankets, which work both ways. It's up to the grinders to get this one put away, so it bodes to be good hockey.

But jeez. 48 hours? Sucks.

This has been the best and hardest final for the Wings since I've been watching them play (Never went more than 6 games). The whole atmosphere is different... I think once the Pens tied it up 2-2, the non-Wing-Pen fans out there are enjoying this series too. As I've said before, my friends have become adversaries, and some of the despised teams fans and I have common interests.

So, let's hope my sanity maintains itself for 2 more days, and may the best team win.

Go Red Wings!

Good Vibrations

2009-06-07T11:24:00.001-07:00

I spent the day before the game at the Mid Atlantic Air Museum in Reading, PA yesterday. They do a WWII re-enactment type weekend, and if you're into warbirds, this event is a must-see. Lots of the people don uniforms or dress in the fashion of that period, giving it a really authentic vibe. Some of these folks take it to the extreme, with wool uniforms on a 90 degree day. Crazy, but if it makes them (and me) happy, then so be it.

From the very start I was receiving "Go Wings" chatter from the folks around, a majority of them Flyers fans. Still, it made me feel good that folks on this side of Pennsylvania are rooting for the Wings, unlike my buddies who live in Jersey who want the Pens to win.

The really cool moment though, was when this truck passed by us..

At the time, my back was to them as they passed me, and one of the guys in the back said "Go Detroit!", and for a moment it felt like I was in France, on this D-Day. It was totally a "Saving Private Ryan" moment for me. But that was when I knew it'd be okay... that the Wings would recover from the sluggishness of playing too much hockey in a short timeframe. That they'd stop missing passes, stop turning the puck over and create more traffic in front. And they did... that was the best game I've seen them play in a long time. Pens meltdown notwithstanding, the guys finally showed up ready to go. Now we get an extra day of rest going into Tuesday. This is it Pens, but I called it in 6 from beginning, and I think I like my chances. Go Red Wings!

Well played, Pens

2009-06-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight didn't turn out as I'd hoped, but I have to applaud the Pens for playing a great game. I knew the Wings were in trouble when I got to my buddy's house, for everybody was rooting for the Pens. My so-called friends, all of them. They even conspired to fake a short-handed goal when I was in the bathroom.. which proved to be prophetic.

"We're tired of the Wings winning all the time... we're rooting for the underdog" and such. So, I apologize to all Wings fans out there for putting myself in a pit of vipers, but overall, I thought the game was well fought, had a ton of good hockey and brought forth the team that deserved to win tonight, the Penguins.

I'm not going to dissect what went wrong, mainly because Staal stepped up and made the "sorry Pens fans, I owe you this" goal, and from that moment on, never let up. Lots of Wing turnovers. I've never seen them this sloppy.

Grats for the victory Pens fans, but don't think things will be as fortunate for you at the Joe. The Wings will figure it out... I'm sure of it...

AHA! Malkin is on COKE!

2009-06-03T11:58:00.001-07:00

THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!!!

Apparently, traces of cocaine have been found in Red Bull products in China!!! And Malkin, as uncovered by Dmitry Chesnokov, admitted to drinking Red Bull!!!!! I want him drug tested NOW!!!!!

So the truth comes out. Shame on you, Evgeni. Shame.

lol...

Seriously, it's not a big deal. However, considering he has been playing 10 times better than last year, it does make me wonder... Does Red Bull give you... uh.... Wings? HAH! It sure did! 25 Red Wings! Oh boy, that's awful. If the endorsement comes out, I apologize.

All kinds of silliness. Thanks for the indulgence.

Game 4 tomorrow. Beware the Draper, I think he'll be coming back for this one.

Hockey Goodness!

2009-06-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

Good Lord.

Hossa this! Crosby that! Kronwall hit a guy hard! Guerin has bad breath! (That probably isn't true, but it's needed for the point here).

Shut up! All of you, you whiners about the non-calls, the bitching about this or that, shut up! Nitpicking to the utmost degree! We all know that Hossa didn't slash, there's a ton of clutching and grabbing and the series hasn't been all that interesting. YEAH RIGHT. If it wasn't so interesting, why are we inundated with all this blog crap?

Look, the Wings have had some luck, true. But you create your luck. Hard work pays off. All of the stupid cliches are working here, it boils down to 2 home wins for the Wings. I'm a Wings fan. I'm happy with the position. BY NO MEANS does it mean the lock is solid, because the Leafs back in forty-whatever came back from 0-3 to beat the Wings. It will NOT happen this year, but people have to just shut the hell up and watch the hockey games. Pens have been playing well, but Dan hasn't picked up on what Babcock is doing... nothing sinister mind you, but it's sneaky, and it's awesome. Can't tell you, he'd have me shot.

Helm? Score some more, would ya?

Unbelievable (Part I)

2009-05-26T15:05:00.001-07:00

See, this is the kind of thing that pisses me off about beaurocracy. One out of 7 Guantanamo detainees that have been released have returned to terrorism. And, they only qualify them as returned if they actively engage in terrorism, not just hate America or anything like that. They can spew venom all they want to, but that's okay.

I actually don't have an issue with them being pissed off at America, I'd probably be pissed if I was held in prison for a few years and was innocent. But the fact that we KNOW they went back to terrorism leads me to believe that they know where the terrorists are, which finally leads to the question, WHY HAVEN'T WE ROLLED THESE #$%^&* UP YET?

Well, if we did, we'd have to torture them to get info out of them, which of course we can't do. Boy, this moral warfare stuff is for the birds. I think it's time the rich cough up some dough to sponsor their own pro-capitalist groups... I mean, apparently it's okay to just fire up a new terrorist group, 'cause it's not like anybody on this planet is going to tell them they can't.

What.The.F*CK.

Rodney Carrington has my favorite solution....

God Bless America.

The Puck Stops Where?

2009-05-19T20:53:00.001-07:00

Alright, I said I wouldn't post about hockey too much. Whatever. I ran across a blog post which was bitching about another blog post, saying there are "No elite goalies left" in this here playoff series.

At first, I was like, yeah, who's in it? Osgood (won a few cups), Ward (won a cup), Khabibulin (won a cup) and Fleury (in SCF last year). Hmm. Well, I guess... no... hmmm..... uhhh.... yeah.

If these 4 guys, of all the goalies in the playoffs aren't elite, then who else would've been? There's the Luongo guy, who's elite. Doesn't have a cup. Well, that Brodeur guy is considered HOF, elite, but he's not here (and every single Devils fan is wishing Clemmensen or Osgood or Fleury was in net that night).

Pssh. Osgood has the best GAA in the playoffs, but he's not elite? Well, F you guys who say he's not elite. In years past, I was always a little skeptical. That changed last playoff year, as I was one of the ones praying they start Osgood after 2 losses with Hasek. We won. This year? I may have had some concerns during the season, but my concerns were more along the lines of whether the WHOLE team had the ability to shake off the hangover to win this year.

Playoffs this year... Columbus? See ya's next year. Then, the Wings defeated the Ducks, whom I consider the damnedest of foes, so surviving that 7 game war was a thing of immense beauty, much to the chagrin of my nerves. As good as the Wings did or did not play, Osgood was the key to it all... not soft. Well, maybe a couple. However, he has been great this playoff year, like last year, and I know he'll keep up the good work. All of you critics be damned, Ozzie is a Hall of Fame goalie for what he HAS achieved, not what you think he's done. I think this year he's going to show once and for all that he belongs in that goalie club called "Respect" or something.

Okay, I feel better. Thanks for listening.

Tonight's heroes: Osgood, Cleary, Samuelsson.

(How cool was that Cleary goal? More dropped silverware...)

Cheers, Michael Buble.

2009-05-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

I admit, I didn't like the guy because I'm jealous, and because I'm a wannabe crooner. This guy could probably get laid more than a Muslim prayer rug if he wanted to. I'm a big Sinatra fan, and my irrationality got the best of me. But, he is a good singer, and I've been catching pieces about him on TV every now and then, and he just seems like a cool guy. Then I found out he's a big hockey fan, which brought him right into my realm of respectability.

I read this interview with him about Vancouver's loss this year (from The Vancouver Sun), and his takes on the players, the coaching and the managment. He really loves hockey, and his insights on the team are excellent. So, Mr. Buble, I applaud your love for the sport, if not your team. Perhaps I'll even try to croon one of your songs one day.

Helm for President!

2009-05-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

The nice thing about living in New Jersey and being a Red Wing fan is, when the game is on, and I'm at one of my favorite eating establishments, I'm watching the game at the bar and am watching the TV like an addict... when Helm goes on the breakaway, I give the warning... Go Helm!... go go go go... uh... YAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The 'Yahhh!' part is when most of the people who weren't watching the game (Yankees regular(early) season. whoo.) get the bejeezus scared out of them... I can't help it. Fortunately, I only do this for a couple weeks during the year, so they dont' get too mad at me. I tip well.

The point is, Helm has been fan-freaking-tastic. He's young, he doesn't know any better, and he's playing for an NHL regular roster spot. He's part of a winning organization, but he's played more games in the NHL playoffs than regular season! He has been a dynamo during this segment against the Ducks, and I say without him, no advancement for Detroit. Sure, Franzen gets the nod as the MVP for this round, but without Helm playing the way he did, and has been, the Wings go no further.

At this point, I could point out the negatives. Nah.

RED WINGS FTW.

Can't wait to meet Chicago.

Duuuuude! Stop Bogartin' the Cheerios, man!

2009-05-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

Crunch crunch crunch. Whoa, dude... total head rush. The FDA, the lovable drug police arm of the government, is getting on General Mills' ass about the claim that eating Cheerios can lower cholesterol levels by 10%. Why is this an issue? I mean, there are no absurd chemical compounds in Cheerios that aren't found in other cereals. They make them out of f*cking OATS. Oats are good for you, they reduce Cholesterol. The FDA says that if General Mills makes the claim, that makes Cheerios a drug. Are you serious? So, if I cut cheeseburgers out of my diet and reduce my cholesterol, does that make McDonalds the anti-drug?

I don't get it. If it were a mysterious chemical formula, okay. I can see it. However, it's a f*cking box of CHEERIOS. Made from oats. With perhaps some love. If you want to see the ingredient list, here ya go. What is it, the oat fiber? No, that's okay. Vitamin B? A? What is it???? No, no mysterious ingredients.

Well then, I have a proposal. I think that if you give me oral sex and consume the product daily instead of eating cheeseburgers, your cholesterol will go down 10%. That makes me a drug FDA, so you'd better get some chick over here to dispute my claims ASAP. Then you can truly suck, since apparently, you do. Assholes.

Free cars for welfare recipients!

2009-05-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

Get 'em while they're hot! Can you believe this sh*t? I'm glad my tax dollars are buying poor people cars, gives me more people to road rage at. Assholes. I hope you get a Yugo.

For the love of God, Brett.

2009-05-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

Don't do it Brett, just don't. Please. Re-fucking-tire.

You little racist Nip bastards!

2009-05-03T10:43:00.001-07:00

Google, in their quest to be the uber map kings, have packaged some old Japanese historical maps that show where the locations of the poor and unworthy are in their cities back from the days of castes and such. They're not very happy about it, as you can imagine. Here's the whole story.

It's very classist, and it's pretty ugly. Talk about busted bigtime. Ooops! I mean, it's not like we didn't know. Every society does it, so, whatever. Just try not to put it on a map is all I'm sayin'.

One small step for man, one backward leap for womens rights?

2009-05-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'll let the picture do the talking... draw your own conclusions....

Mmmmhmmmm!

Even Faster High Speed Internet! Things non-techies should know. (tech talk, can cause drowsiness)

2009-04-29T10:35:00.001-07:00

Cablevision today announced it would be releasing super-fast internet, with 101mb download, 15mb upload capability.

Whoopdefuckingdoo.

Some people will be thrilled to death, and spend the 100 bucks a month to get this speed. Okay, now here's the next question, and all of you who think this new 100 megs a second is a boon to your existence, let me clue you in on a little secret that the broadband companies don't want you to know:

Your internet is only as fast as the site you're accessing.

That's right. If you go to Google, you'll get 300kbps. That's KILO, not MEGA. If you go to most web sites, the amount of speed you'll get is usually waaaaaay less than 1mb/sec. Unless the pipe, from every switch from that website to your computer, is processing at 100mb/sec, you're only getting whatever speed is the weakest link, and most of the time it's way less than 1meg a second.

So, before spending the 100 bucks a month for the fastest of the fast, just do yourself a favor. Go run some speed tests (testmy.net, dslreports.com) to find out how much of the bandwidth you're paying for you're actually getting. I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard, "Well, I'm getting 6 megs from Comcast, why is my service so slow?" Because the system is only as fast as the weakest link, and most of the time, the weak link is the providers themselves.

Think of it like this: If everybody has a size 100 pipe, and the website has a 10000 pipe, that means only 100 people can be accessing the site at the same time for 100 megs a second. 1000 people? 10 megs. 10000? 1 meg. And to top it off, most web sites limit the amount of bandwidth you can receive, which is usually around 300kbps.

All I'm saying is, if your service sucks now, it's 99.99% of the time because the provider you have sucks, not the amount of bandwidth you're paying for. I've fought with Comcast, Time Warner, Cablevision, Verizon FiOS, Clearwire, Hughes satellite, Embarq, and a whole lot of rinky-dink internet providers, so believe me when I tell you it's all about service, not size.

Fat people, a civil rights issue?

2009-04-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

I hope the ride to hell is on a rollercoaster, because I might just be on it. I thanked some woman today on the way to work, and it went something like this "THANKS FOR TAKING UP THE ENTIRE F*CKING INTERSECTION YOU INCONSIDERATE BITCH!". Apparently, she, and her child in the back seat, heard me, because she proceeded to lay on the horn while flailing her arm at me, which I couldn't see too well through her tinted windows. I hope the scene plays out later of her child saying things like "Mommy, what's a f*cking intersection?" and "Why'd he call you an inconsiderate bitch?".

But I digress. The topic here is obese people. Apparently, a lot of these obese people are trying to advance civil rights for themselves, claiming that they are being paid less, treated poorly and overall shunned by society. Okay. I can see being a little indignant because you're a few pounds overweight. BUT, And it's a BIG but here (pun intended), YOU BROUGHT THE PROBLEM ON YOURSELVES. I don't care what quack you see that says "it's a glandular problem", or what not. If you didn't eat like crap, eat too much of that crap, and got up and walked a mile or two twice a day, you wouldn't be this quivering mound of gross. If you can't fit in a f*cking airline seat, YOU'RE TOO GODDAMNED BIG. I'll make exceptions for those who are extremely tall for the airline argument, but overall, if getting the mail from your mailbox causes you to breathe heavy, you deserve NO sympathy from the non-fat. I've been to England, France, Amsterdam, and you know how many obese people I saw there? NONE. Not a one. Okay, maybe a couple. I saw thousands of the best looking people I've ever seen. Out of a thousand, I'd say one was fat. So, is the food not as fatty? Does their pasta not contain carbs? No, it's the same stuff. But they don't eat as much. They walk around. And they dont' supersize it.

I think an airline has every right to charge you for the extra seat if you don't fit in the f*cking seat. These fat people also claim that employers don't pay them as much. You want to know why? BECAUSE YOUR BODY TYPE SAYS LAZY. People don't look at skinny people and say, "You know, he looks like he doesn't work hard enough because he can't afford enough food!", they look at fat people and say "Boy, if he'd put down that doughnut and do some WORK, he might not be so fat!" Yes, we discriminate. Why? Because people who are obese a) often smell funny, b) are NOT fun to look at c) make the most disgusting noises when they breathe d) they're always breathing heavy as if that walk 38 feet was the hardest thing EVER, e) compain all the goddamn time about "How hard it is to lose weight" while they're ordering 10 cheeseburgers and a diet coke.

Bottom line? Get a bicycle. Walk 2 miles a day. PORTION CONTROL. Drink water, lots of it. And for the love of God, STOP BLAMING SOCIETY FOR YOUR FAT. If society is to blame, then ALL of us would be fat, not just the 1/3 (what a disgusting number, btw) that are. You have image issues because of YOUR perceptions, not ours. Civil Rights. Maybe I should start getting my skinny friends together to bitch about how fat people are ruining MY civil liberties, as in, I shouldn't have to endure YOUR stinky, disgusting self in public. I am free to express my opinion, and frankly, you obese types are disgusting, and you only have yourselves to blame.

Earth Day founded by murderers and wackos? Why does this not surprise me?

2009-04-27T13:34:00.001-07:00

This is from last week, but apparently one of the founding fathers of "Earth Day" hacked up his girlfriend and stuffed her in a trunk in his house. He claimed it was a setup by the CIA, but I guess his phone wasn't working for a few months because he didn't call up the authorities to report that his girlfriend was decomposing in his place and stinking up the joint.

I find it funny that the people who resort to violence in the name of the planet, or animals for that matter, are doing the one thing neither the animals or this planet can appreciate. I mean, how many people do you have to kill before you think to yourself, Hmm, that goat just doesn't appreciate my efforts?

I know, I know, don't get all cranked up if you think I'm not Green. I'm very green. I recycle my empties, and my car gets over 30 mpg, so f*ck off. I plant trees and gardens and think that animals are cool. However, I am not about to go killing people because the orange speckled newt is endangered. But it does not surprise me that the founder of earth day was a nut-job, just as it does not surprise me when people get mauled by bears in the zoo when they jump the fence thinking polar bears are cute and cuddly.

Just a thought. Oh, that and there may be gay penguins out there. Cheers!

zzz... What? Huh???

2009-04-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Howdy folks! Long time no rambling, sorry. I have my reasons, fortunately some of which provide me with material.

My sister happened to fly in from the other side of the country (on the return trip from Italy), and it had been a few years since we had a chance to see each other. I also got along with my brother during Easter dinner, which is another miracle we can add to the holiday, but I digress. Sis had the honor to sing for his holiness, the Pope. Now, I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, but that's a pretty big deal in my book. Bravo Sis! She took a lot of pictures... 600 to be exact, and the sheer amount of ruins they have over there is incredible. This photo takes my breath away, I hope it does the same for you...the coliseum tucked in just so amongst the city...

Save it as desktop wallpaper, but after the playoffs. I could use a vacation come to think of it, but maybe when work isn't screwing with my hours. Jerks.

Speaking of the playoffs, things are good. There has been some domination, some great OT games, and the #$%^&* Rangers of all teams are beating expectations, instead of being beaten like I requested. Stupid Caps. Never liked them anyway. I'm likin' the Anaheim/Sharks series. Go ahead guys, take it to 7 games. Please.

I've been listening to the games via internet radio while playing WoW and drinking beer, and lemme tell ya, I think I've found my Man Bubble Bath. There's a fantastic site out there that has all the team broadcasts, http://www.hockeywebcasts.com/nhl.php. Try it next time you're playing your favorite time killing game, for any sport.

Alrighty, just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. I have some other thoughts, but I'll save them for later. Cheers!

Michael Vick, Champion of Dogs.

2009-04-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm drinkin' in one of my local watering holes, and the sporting news eventually brings up the Michael Vick story. Now, I'm still mad at the guy, and thinking he shouldn't be returning to the NFL. However, it's been a while, so I want some other opinions about this situation. So, I ask some young waiter guy who's near, "What's your take on Vick? Should he be allowed to play?" "Of course" he replies.

Of course? I'm intrigued! "Really? Why's that?" He replies, "Well, he's shown remorse, he didn't actually kill any humans, most of it was done by his posse and he's done his time."

I could actually hear the sound of squealing tires as my brain screeched to a halt. See, if you can believe this, I haven't exactly been an angel. I've been on the wrong side of the law, so I know how it feels to do something stupid and have to do time for it. The one thing that entered my mind is how awful it feels to be in that position coming out. How will your family and friends treat you? Society? It's a really horrible feeling.

So, I think he's an awful quarterback, but I have to sympathize with him as a person, because I can relate... sorta. I mean, I'm not a famous quarterback with millions of dollars to spend on dogs that I can shoot when they don't win (a little irony there, right?), but when you screw up, you just want to get back to being normal again, and to be honest, I want to see that happen for him.

So I say to the kid, "Well, I suppose if it wasn't Vick, the problem of dogfighting would never have been brought to the nation's attention. That makes Vick... a champion of dogs?" Bingo. Sometimes in being a bad person, you can actually do good things. Yeah, this is not the recommended course of action, however, some good will come out of this. I can only wonder if this is lip service from Vick, but I wouldn't people to think that of my own indiscretions. People can learn from their mistakes, and in this case, I'm sure Vick won't be operating any UFC kennels any time soon.

So, I'll keep my reservations in check for now, and hope that we can soon follow the feel good story of "Mike Vick, Champion of Dogs", because that story I'd be happy to follow.

Srsly?

2009-04-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

I'm having some issues with my direction here, as usual. I don't want to be a political pundit... that's just no fun. I don't like arguing with liberals, it's like jerking off with sandpaper... the desired result is just too much painful effort. Besides, it's not really arguing when two sides just can't see the others views. So what now? Until I figure it out, I'll leave you with this...
I mean, I like bacon and all, I just don't want to f*ck it.

Takin' a break, be back next week

2009-03-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

That's it, I'll see ya then.

Random Hockey Ramblings...

2009-03-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Yay! I haven't talked about hockey in forever, so y'all are probably wondering why the hell I'm such a fan of hockey blogs. Perhaps after this post I'll just start another blog. Hmm...

Whatever. In the meantime, I'm absolutely loving hockey this year. Not because of the games I've watched, but because I've actually paid the most overall attention thanks to all of the good and bad blogs out there. Truly, it has forced me to view my own existence differently, so thanks for that.

Red Wings? Kickin' ass, set a record and are schizophrenic, I think. I'm likin' the way they're playing, and they should tighten it up when the playoffs start. As long as they win 2 games for everybody else's one, they won't lose a series, and that's how they've been doing it all year. Not very original, but hey, why fix it?

Devils are my favorites out in the East, and I wasn't one of the folks saying that Brodeur would be phenomenal coming back from his injury, but he certainly has been. Well, he's not the only one on this Devils team that is playing incredibly, and I think the team deserves a lot of credit, but regardless, Good job. Here's to getting that record tonight (right?) and Terry's soon to follow. I hope he breaks 700 wins eventually.

Out West I haven't been listening too much, except that the Sharks have settled into their own mediocrity, and blah blah blah. Wings should get 1 or 2 seed. However, a couple things... Dallas is showing some grit down the stretch. They seem to turn in on better than other teams going into the playoffs, so it wouldn't surprise me if they upset the Sharks if those two tango in the first round. Oh, that Calgary team. Whatever. As far as all Canadian teams except for Toronto go, meh. For the rest, I'm somewhat of a Columbus fan, so Mason, Nash & Hitchcock (sounds like a tv show...) can just keep up the good work, they should be in. Good luck if you make it to Sharks or Wings. Don't care as much about the rest.

Back East, it's Go Devils! I think the Atlantic is the BEST conference in hockey teams-wise. Seriously, you can't beat the energy between the Devils, Rangers, Flyers, Islanders fans, because all of the fans live so close to each other. Pittsburgh is close enough to visit, as well as Boston and Washington, but 4 teams within 100 or so miles brings a cool fan interaction that you just don't get anywhere else. In the Atlantic, I'm actually pleased to see the Pens make a 180 to get back into the hunt, although I really don't see (read: don't want to acknowledge) anybody getting past the Devils this year. Props though go to Shero for getting rid of Whitney and getting a real lineup for them and I like Bylsma. The fans are optimistic, and I can finally enjoy Clark & Heptner (The Suburban Rob Rossis)'s blog again. Not a Rangers fan, but I'm pleased to see Avery back with them, he belongs there. I wouldn't mind seeing Rangers/Devils in the first round. He and Brodeur will be fun to watch.

I think that's all I really have for now... Oh, this perpetually makes me laugh, so click here for the original. I still laugh every time I see it. All the cards are brilliant, but I laugh from deep down inside when I see this...

I'm sorry Pens fans, but that's just too funny to not share. Just to be fair...

Cheers!

Appropriate flossing areas...

2009-03-17T10:19:00.001-07:00

I'm just throwin' this out there. I have something stuck in my tooth, and I'll spend the entire day trying to get it out with my tongue until I can get a hold of some floss or a toothpick. It's no big deal really, I know I'll get it out sooner or later.

Of course, I have to go to the men's room to take care of some fluid business, and I hear the unmistakable sound of someone spitting in the sink. I don't know why this is bothering me, but it is. I come around to wash my hands before returning to work, despite the fact that I do not work in food service and did not pee on my hands, and lo and behold, this guy is doing full oral care at the sink(s). He's actively flossing, and... well... I guess his dentist would agree with his action, but I'm just grossed out. This is a public bathroom, really. Yes, it's at work, and I certainly hope that we as his co-workers are hygenic and all. But for me? I think it would bother me less if he did his flossing in his cubicle, or even in a stall or something. You ever see the stuff that flies out of your mouth when flossing? Not to mention, the stuff that's going in your mouth as each pull of the string pulls airborne bacteria directly in between your teeth. I know, I know. These bacteria are probably flying around here around my head as I type this, but I just don't care.

So, it boils down to this... what do you think? I think it's gross to floss in a public restroom, even one at the workplace. I don't want his mouth-bacteria flying around my sink, and I'm sure he doesn't want my special brand of fecal cauliform jumping on his floss. But hey, if he's all for it, then should I say whatever?

Flossing in public? Yay or Nay?

Welcome back! (they were gone?)

2009-03-11T12:15:00.001-07:00

France today announced that they will be rejoining NATO. I know, I know. How we survived all these tumultuous years without them, I can hardly fathom. But, they're back, and we welcome them back into the fold with open arms. This totally reminds me of the horrible co-worker who was out on sick leave for like, 3 months, and then they come back, but you hardly noticed they were gone, ya know? Oh! Hey! We missed you!... (not).

Had this been a trivia question, even a multiple choice one, I would've failed.

This country is currently NOT a part of NATO's military branch:

a) Switzerland
b) France
c) Croatia
d) Germany

I would've picked Croatia, but that would've been wrong. The correct answer is a, Switzerland. I know, I know, the Swiss aren't exactly known for their prowess, but I've heard that the Swiss special forces units are some of the best in the world. Where do you think the holes in the cheese come from? That's right, target practice, NOT gases created by bacteria during the aging process.

However, I digress. The French are coming back, and bringing their expertise with them. Let's look at what Sarkozy has to say about some of this...

"Because we must be there where decisions and norms are decided, rather than waiting to be told about them,". Yeah. Like you've ever given a f*ck what other countries have thought about anything.

"The Americans understand perfectly well that having weak allies serves nothing," he said. "A state alone, a solitary nation, is a nation without influence and if we want to count for something we have to know how to bind ourselves to allies and friendships." Wow! You finally figured that one out, eh?

My favorite, truncated for comedic purposes... "The move is expected to have little impact on the military as France..." Well that's a no brainer. You don't need to train people to drop weapons.

Okay, okay, I'll put the rest of the quote in there... "is already Nato's fourth largest contributor of troops with forces under allied command in Bosnia, Kosovo and now in Afghanistan – where it has more than 3,000 men." Although I would be reluctant to put "Men" in there, I am glad that they're trying to help out a little bit.

This doesn't change my overall view that France is a self centered, narcissitic country. I don't like the food, the hairy women, their holier than thou attitudes, but I can at least say that this is a step in the right direction. Man up France, you giant vagina of a country.

Way to go Obama!

2009-03-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

My posts lately have been awfully negative, so I'm sorry. I'll try to write something that's not negative. Well, how about Obama! He's such a swell guy, giving gifts to folks. Apparently, he gave a gift to Gordon Brown, a bunch of DVD's! Yay Obama! How Presidential of you to give such a intelligent and thoughtful gift! I mean, picking out 25 dvd's for the British Prime Minister to enjoy! Wow. That's... uh... really... uh... yeah.

If you want to read Glenn Beck's opinion about this, check out the full article. After all, it was his musings which brought this to my attention. I mean, what did Gordon Brown give you? A pen carved from the wood of the famous ship, HMS Resolute? To match that priceless desk in the whitehouse? And you gave him DVD's! How thoughtful.

I remember when I was just a young semi-pro alcoholic, dating a lovely lass who was learned in the ways of gift-giving. Her BFF at the time (they didn't even USE that term back then, can you imagine?) was having a birthday, and my lady had given a lovely lead crystal fish to her, knowing that fish, especially hand crafted lead-crystal ones, would be a well thought out gift. A few months later, the reverse scenario occurred, and what did my lovely lady get for a present? A turtleneck. It was a lovely turtleneck, don't get me wrong, but apparently this was NOT the same as a crystal fish. I, at the time, did not see the error in bff's ways, but I was educated to the faux-pas that occured. And HOW. Needless to say, that friendship terminated immediately over what I like to call "the plum turtleneck incident"

So, Mr. President, my observation from my own experience is this:

You can kiss our "friendship" with England goodbye. You just slapped the face of the Prime Minister, and the UK is NOT happy about it. Claiming fatigue is a lame excuse, because you have a whole stable of assistants who could've come up with something better than a 40 dollar collection of American move classics.

DVD's. Even I am not that thoughtless.

Audacity: A definition

2009-03-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

Here's the audacity defined:

They gave themselves a raise last month.
They now make $174,000 a year for their 3 day work week.

Do you believe this? Companies going under, rampant unemployment, and Congress gets to give themselves a fucking RAISE?

This is why I hate politicians, and especially Democrats.

Read the article here.

Way to keep things real, Obama. Nice job, dickhead.

Here we go again.

2009-03-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

While on Facebook today, one of my so-called friends wrote some smack about Rush Limbaugh, and him being unpatriotic due to hypocrisy, and he may have a point. Whatever. I just pointed out that he doesn't like Democrats, and the next thing I know I'm brandishing my "Fuck the Middle East" sword and spewing hate allllll over the damned place. Well, I've already discussed my aggresive attitude, and this lines up nicely. But I realized that I'm still pissed.

I'm pissed about Israel, the Palestinians, the fanatical Muslims, the ignorant Christians... everybody. See, lately I've been mulling over what to do about this here blog, and I still don't have an answer, but I wanted to tone things down a bit, change direction, something. But I can't, because it's not that easy. It's things like the War in Iraq that get my blood boiling, and I have to write. Crap. So much for the "play nice" theory.

So today's point? I fucking hate the "Oil is the reason for going to Iraq" argument. It's the lamest wannabe conspiracy bullshit theory. If it truly IS the ONLY reason we're in the Middle East? Then I'm moving to Canada. Someone has to prove to me that Oil is why the Muslims hate America, and why we put Israel back on the map, and whatever. For people to think that singlemindedly about why we're in Iraq, is just stupid. Yes, I understand that oil is a resource. There happens to be oil in Viet Nam too, right? There's also oil in Venezuela! Chavez is a dick anyway. We should totally take it over.

There are lots of good reasons why we're in Iraq. We've installed a free government system there, and with hope it'll stay that way. Maybe even spark the rest of those countries to like, oh, I dunno, stop killing each other and vote in some schmuck to bitch about for 4 years or something. Then they can vote in a different schmuck later. That's what democracy is all about, the next best schmuck.

Regardless, it isn't just about oil. I mean, the genocide, the violating the UN sanctions, the not allowing WMD inspectors to see any sites whenever they would surprise inspect, I mean, the list is endless. Yet there are still the left wing folk who think the only reason we went in is because of the oil. Hell, you might as well believe we went in because George Sr. was supposed to do it the first time around.

However, I guess this oil theory explains why we're in Afghanistan then... we need cheap heroin!

Bored.

2009-02-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks, I got nothin' good. Been reading about the porkulus, but that's old news. I'm not getting any of it, so whatever. I think even the news agencies are having a hard time now.

I read that Iraq would be okay with early troop withdrawal, but only if they're ready. Duh.

A plane wreck in Amsterdam, 9 people dead. Yawn. If the plane had LEFT amsterdam and crashed, well, that would be something. Inbound? Not so much.

Charles Barkley arrested for DWI! There's a shocker. Although it continues to amaze me that people who have LOTS of money drive themselves around, and better yet, get busted for DUI. I'll give Mr. Barkley some props for being at .148 though... that's a pretty decent buzz.

Sidney's Vagina Hurts. Yawn. Other hockey news? An old pest named Lemieux comes back to the Joe, and although the fans are all in a tizzy, they players could care less I think. But it is a showdown between 2 of the best teams in hockey.... I wonder if it's on VS. Whatever.

Oh! Huge props to Matt Kenseth AGAIN! Woot! I'm a fan of Matt, so this is big for me, but since I may be his only remaining fan, I'm sure the rest of you don't care.

Bunch of hockey bloggers yappin' about the Scarlett Caps website, newly created and dedicated to the female hockey fan. Well, I agree with the actual female fans that the site is a disgrace, if you're truly a hockey fan. On the other hand, I think it attempts to build a bridge to women who know nothing about hockey, and let's face it, there are more of them than there are knowledgable fans. If you want to see the site, click here.

Oscars? Predictable. I am kinda pissed that Slumdog won, because haven't the Indians taken enough of our jobs, now they're taking our trophies? Bastards. On a funny note, I bet the budget for that movie was about 1/20th of the cost it would've been in the states....

So, that's all. I'll go try to find something more interesting to talk about. Check ya later!

Karma and Justice

2009-02-20T15:02:00.000-08:00

Nice.

I can't say exacty what happened and all, but remember me bitching about big brother at work? Well, they got theirs. I can't talk about it, but it makes me laugh, and it didn't have an effect on me at all. Hysterical.

Be back later...

Israel vs. Iran?

2009-02-18T14:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. The two countries apparently don't like each other, and Iran has said more than once that it wants Israel wiped off the map, along with a majority of the Muslim world... uh, lemme change that... along with a majority of the Muslim leaders. But I really don't get it. I know, call me stupid, or non-religious or whatever. Sure, it's the birthplace of religion for a majority of this planet, and certainly important for all of you who celebrate _____ (<-- Insert 99% of all religions here). Yay Jesus, and the prophet M******** (that M prophet guy that I don't want to mention or draw a picture of for fear that some brainwashed freakshow will suicide bomb my website or house or something), and whatever the Jews want with that territory.

You know, I hate to point this out, but it's a desert. From what I understand, they've been fighting over this chunk of sand for a few thousand years, primarily for bragging rights for the respective religion. What the hell? This is not the Stanley Cup we're talking about here, which is actually cool and nice to look at and would make a great jello-mold (I know, it's been done... saw it). I'm talking about the fact that just because some guy lived there, or someone was born there, or they found some old documents saying any one of these important folk lived here, we have to kill each other to live there.

Does anybody realize how stupid this is? I know that I'm not the first and will not be the last person to say this. We're killing each other over dirt. Perhaps if it were someplace really fertile like most of California or Iowa or something, I could see it being important. But it's dirt. I'm serious here... think about this. You and Jesus (Or that prophet guy) are hanging out, eating fresh tomatoes on a nice fertile piece of land.

Y: Hey Jesus, I've been thinking. Do you miss your homeland at all? I mean, it's nice here, plenty of fresh water, grazing land, crops grow easy and we'll never have to worry about drought. But you know, you were born over in that sandy, hot, rocky desert and I was thinking we should move everybody there because you know, you were born there and all.

J: Are you nuts? Here, hold still. Lemme give you a quick miracle heal to the head to cure you of delusion. It's perfect here! Why would you want to move THERE? It's a DESERT! Ask Moses about deserts! He'll tell ya!

See? That's my question. Why the hell did we go through all that trouble to put the Jews back in Israel? I've had this argument plenty of times, but I get the "But it's their HOME!" or "It's the birthplace of Christ!" or "That's where that prophet guy spoke to the big G!" argument. I don't want to be the wet blanket and all, but is that really a good reason to move to a desert? I mean, you've seen the bracelets, WWGRD? What Would Gary Roberts Do? I think he'd move out of the desert, and so would Jesus. Granted, for all you turbo-religious types, I'm sure you're saying "Yeah, well, if Jesus was there he'd like, produce water and trees and make it a paradise! Yay!!". No, I think he'd say something like, "This is the way God meant it to be. Let's move to the south of France!", and get the heck out of there! To quote Sam Kinison, "We have deserts in America we just don't LIVE in them assholes!" I miss him. Sam that is.

Why the hell couldn't we just put them back in Germany? I mean, the war was over, right? Go HOME! Where you lived! Oh no, we need to put them back in their holy land. Move over Palestinians! We know, this really sucks and all, but you're gonna have to move. Yeah. These folks want their home back. Yes, I know you paid 2995 for that plot of land there. Yes, I see the deed. Yep, know all about the fact that you're the owner and all. Sorry, you gotta go. Yep. YFBT. Heck, if they needed to move them to another plot of land that was a desert, why couldn't they put them all in Baja, California? That's a desert, and it's a LOT bigger than Israel! I'm sure the Mexicans wouldn't mind too much.

But I digress, because the title of this post includes Iran, who is constantly yapping about infidels, and Israel, who keep saying... Uh, you know... Iran is like, gonna nuke us the first chance they get. So I'm reading this article about how Israel is sabotaging Iran's nuclear program on the sly, until they can think of something better, without having to resort to Military options.

Wait a second here. We're all about no war and stuff, I get that. I read a ton of fiction and non-fiction to know that this is probably going on. But doesn't it show that there is intent by Iran to build the bomb? Oh, and apparently it isn't just Israel that's in on this, but "other" countries as well. So, if one country is doing it, then for the most part, a majority of those capable are. We all know how this works out too... you can't have a good shootout without 2 colored hats, so I'm sure the Chinese and Russians (sorry to use you two as an example, but you're still communist so we'll work with that for now) have their own operatives working the opposite side of the street.

So now, everybody is in on the take, and we're speculating about it like it's not going to happen. Oh, it's going to happen. You know Iran is working on the bomb. They can't NOT work on the bomb... it's a scientific impossibility for scientists to not research the unknown, right? I mean, if you're a scientist, you have to want to make the discovery to see if you can do it. That's the motivation. Oh, and the Iran government saying do it or we'll kill your family, then you. Sorry, I'm speculating. Iran would NEVER do something like that. Yeah.

So the cold war is on, but it's different this time. The terrorists will not win this game ultimately, because once all the stupid people are gone, hopefully the smart ones will go "Gee, that was dumb" and stop trying to kill each other all the time. So, for what it's worth, I think that article tells me that it's going to happen, and it's only a matter of time.

There has been a movement lately by the students of Iran, God (whichever one... the good one) willing, to try to get the maniacs out of power, and to institute a better government. Well, good luck with that kids and keep your eye on the prize. This time the prize is a big one, and that's life. You can't win a war if everybody goes suicide bomber, and for those spewing the tripe that bombers go to heaven... well, I know if it were true, the leaders would be the FIRST in line to martyr themselves to get to 70 virgins. Well, that wouldn't be my first choice of rewards, I'd rather have one Shania Twain. Maybe two. The point is, if Iran nukes Israel, it's all over. Certainly it's not going to involve the whole world directly, but I for one don't want glowing tuna. Sure, it'd be easier to catch, and I'm sure glowing pee would be novel. But really, it's not going to be good if all hell breaks loose.

It's time to reign in the maniacs and the religious zealots, of all denominations. I'm sick of people being led like sheep. I'm tired of people thinking that God is going to fix everything, and that good will prevail over evil. I hate to break it to ya, but God is not going to fix anything, 'cause in his eyes it's probably not broken. That, and if half of the world is "right" and the other "wrong" then therefore there is no good, and there is no evil, because the other side is always good or evil, right? Stupid! Stop being sheep, and stop killing each other! Why is that so hard?

Alas, I could expound further, but I'm late for dinner. Besides, I need to know what y'all think before I go on.

In the meantime?

Shoulda moved 'em to Baja.

Some quick thoughts, just to change the topic

2009-02-17T15:36:00.000-08:00

Been out doin' stuff, which is good, but alas the blog suffers. Whatever. It is all about me, after all. I have a million things to do, so let's just summarize a few things that need scratchin'....

A-Rod shouldn't be in this position to begin with, as I have already whined about. I guess he's the final nail in baseball's coffin. Stupid. Confidential apparently doesn't actually mean anything after all. I think he should sue the pants off of everybody involved in that 2003 test, and I get 10%.

Obama signs the Porkulus, so off we go into the wild blue ether. Where are all these dollars going? Why do I even ask these questions? I know I won't get any of it, so therefore I think it stinks.

Way to go Matt Kenseth! Winner of this year's Daytona 500. Last year wasn't so good, and even though this wasn't a whole race, he ran hard all day and got into the position he needed to be in to win. Gratz to Matt and the 17 crew.

You know why they fired Therrien? Because he speaks French. 'Nuff said. (on the honest side, it wasn't necessarily his fault, but if his players don't want to play for him, he might as well go now.)

I miss Football season. Oh! Speaking of which, who is the Thug of the Month? Marshawn Lynch! Way to propegate the stereotype, dumbass. It's "Black History Month", not "Make Blacks Look Bad Historically" month.

Three cheers to the Sherriff for not busting Phelps. He'll pay his penance, and we all move on. Whew!

What is this nugget of news? Michael Vick may be back with the 49ers??? If Goodell lets him play... ooooh... I'll... uh... write something about it here! But in the meantime, my radar will be up to spin on this story. Dog Killa gets to play ball! Well, maybe he can give some handgun tips to Plaxico.

Okay, that's enough tidbits for now. I think I'll write about Israel next...

I can't afford 14 kids! Help me pay for them! Yay!

2009-02-11T13:25:00.000-08:00

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

http://www.thenadyasulemanfamily.com/

Feel free to drop by there and leave nasty messages for her. I already did. I can believe she wants donations, but her dumbass isn't getting any from me.

Porkulus. It's not just for dinner!

2009-02-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

Apparently, our buddy and savior Obama is touting this bailout plan containing no pork..."OBAMA: "Not a single pet project," he told the news conference. "Not a single earmark." Liar.

Well, the legislation clearly has projects that aren't set to stimulate the economy for years. That makes them pork projects. But it doesn't matter, because.."Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) declares during debate on the economic stimulus bill that "the American people really don't care" about pork spending Democrats laced throughout the bill."

I swear, I didn't want to talk about this. I was all for Obama and his cape swooping in to rescue us credit-laden Americans from ourselves. Now he's going to spend 800 billion dollars, and it's for what? Well, I don't know. Here's an article which points out a couple pork projects. There are plenty out there.

So, my tax dollars are now going to childcare, buying new cars for these asshole congressmen, and other little things. I will be honest and say that there are some projects I approve of, so maybe I'm out of line by saying my pork is better than your pork. But seriously, Obama said that Japan screwed up in the 90's... "We saw this happen in Japan in the 1990s, where they did not act boldly and swiftly enough, and as a consequence they suffered what was called the “lost decade,” where essentially for the entire ’90s, they did not see any significant economic growth." Now, that's not entirely correct. They actually spent a lot of money, fast. "Japan’s rural areas have been paved over and filled in with roads, dams and other big infrastructure projects, the legacy of trillions of dollars spent to lift the economy from a severe downturn caused by the bursting of a real estate bubble in the late 1980s. During those nearly two decades, Japan accumulated the largest public debt in the developed world — totaling 180 percent of its $5.5 trillion economy — while failing to generate a convincing recovery. …"

So, in other words, we're going to spend a trillion dollars that really isn't going to do much for anybody quickly... yes, we'll get some new roads, hopefully. More likely, my representative to this douchebag government is going to get a new car, that bitch that just had octuplets is going to get free healthcare for the 14 kids she has now, and I get to pay for it. YAY! Thanks Mr. Obama! You could at LEAST put in a few million for the K-Y jelly when you bend us over. What about help for all of us who have jobs? Is there anything in this stimulus package that does anything for those of us who haven't totally screwed up? I don't have an unpayable mortgage, I don't have a 100,000 in student loans, I don't have kids that need healthcare, and I don't need a job at this point. What the hell are you doing for ME?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Thanks pal.

A-Rod? On Steroids?

2009-02-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

Imagine that.

We all knew it was coming. At this point, I'm just going to resolve myself to the fact that ALL of these baseball players were doing it to some extent. That's right, every single one, all hopped up on the steroids. So now a whole generation of players admits to being under the enhancement more or less, and what are the purists to do? You can't just put an asterisk on 10 or even 20 years of baseball, can ya?

Well, that's an argument for the purists. I'm not one. But I do have a problem with how they obtained this information about A-Rod's positive test. Why do we know about this? Wasn't it a confidential sampling? "The tabloids pounced on unanswered questions in the interview Rodriguez gave ESPN on Monday after Sports Illustrated revealed he was one of 104 players who tested positive in a confidential doping survey in 2003." They asked them to do it for a non-public sample, and what happens? 5 years later, they're publishing the fact that A-Rod's sample tested positive.

What's the point of having a "confidential" test, if the results become public?

Well?

Regardless of the fact A-Slob did the steroid dance along with the rest of the ballplayers, we should not know the results of a confidential test. EVER.

That's all I have for this one. A-Fraud, you're off the hook in my mind, because I've already considered the whole lot of you guilty a long time ago, and I've already come to terms with it. For all of you who are shocked and amazed that he's guilty, well, you should've figured it out about 3 years ago.

Game of the week, Wings-Pens

2009-02-08T10:01:00.000-08:00

I get a little sad when Football season ends, but the good thing is I'll get to watch more hockey, and what a nice treat this weekend...Wings-Pens.

First period: The Wings are playing like crap, except for Lidstrom. Slow, slow, slow. No jump. Pens are getting too many chances, of which they're somehow miraculously missing. The wings D hasn't been horrible, and Conklin has been solid if not stellar at times, but the offense needs to figure something out. Late in the first, the Pens have another power play chance, the 3rd? 4th? Ugly period for the Wings in my book. Lidstrom had a great period defensively for them but overall not many shining stars out there. For the Pens, Malkin is really fun to watch, who had a few excellent chances that were denied by fate. The one whiff on a loose puck is the glaring oops, but he's playing great hockey. He looks like he wants win, and has been stepping up when games have been on the line lately. Malkin is developing into quite the leader on that club, which is good for both. Summary for the period, Pens are playing well but haven't closed the deal, Wings took too many penalties, so it's surprising that this game is tied, 0-0.

Second Period: Both teams start with great defense, so it's a yawnfest until Detroit get a powerplay. A good rebound chance (bad if you're Fleury) lets Datsyuk get one in, Detroit goes up 1-0. Things are starting to open up, and the Wings I think have finally decided to show up. Some good ice time in the Pens zone, and some inspired play, like Chelio's sprint to catch up to Godard, during one breakaway chance, leaves me feeling a little better about their play. Conklin has continued to look sharp through this period, stopping everything coming his way. Pens get a powerplay started, and despite a couple chances is denied by good D, but more like good goaltending. Period ends halfway through the power play, Detroit up 1-0.

Third Period: Tensions are starting to run high, and Crosby is talking some smack it seems. However, both teams calm down a bit, and skate around doing not too much of anything. Wow, not a lot going on in this period. The constant booing of Hossa is really starting to annoy me, and I'm sure it's annoying to Hossa. He looks like he's hardly moving, but he is... very deceptive. Apparently the booing annoyed him enough, as he does a nice job of keeping he puck in the Pens zone, and flinging a backhand shot from the slot which somehow clangs off the post and in the net. Amazing or lucky I don't know, but looking at his totals for this season I'll have to go with amazing. Speaking of amazing, Datsyuk has an incredible individual effort to score again with 2 minutes remaining, giving him 2 goals for the day. Both teams kill the last 2 minutes, and Conklin gets the shutout, a nice reward for an outstanding effort. Detroit wins, 3-0.

Although both teams played a good defensive game, Detroit managed to take advantage of their opportunities they were given, which really weren't many. Conklin controlled his rebounds an never lost sight of the puck, which turned out to be the difference between he and Fleury who gave up a couple rebounds leading to 2 goals. A solid effort by Detroit for 40 minutes, and certainly a good win. This may not be the team from last year, but with efforts like this, Detroit has to be pleased heading toward the post-season. The Pens lost to a good team, and I know they must be concerned. I think I would be as well, considering how hard the Eastern Conference is this season. A lot of teams out there aren't going to make it easy for the Penguins to get back into the race, so they definitely have their work cut out for them.

Rangers-Flyers next week... see ya then (maybe).

Roll one for Me, Mike... Not my responsibility... Duh...I hate going to the Doctor.

2009-02-04T15:23:00.000-08:00

Howdy folks... sorry for not posting. With the Steeler's glorious victory, my weekends being tied up, and work acting like it's 1984 (the novel, not the year), it has been difficult to keep up with my blogging responsibility. My bad.

I'm also not in the mood to write right now, but I have to hit on a couple things.

Can South Carolina really do anything legally against Michael Phelps? I don't think so because he can say "I don't know if it really was Marijuana or not", and they can't prove it through a photo, and tests after the fact don't prove that there was dope in it at that point in time. So, Sheriff of South Carolina, stop being stupid toward a guy that brought 8 medals to our great country. Dickhead (Not you Michael. Smoke one for me)

I quit smoking at just the right time apparently.... 6 bucks a pack here in Jersey, before this new tax hits, so do yourself a favor and quit with me. It'll do you and your wallet a world of good. As for the kids, I'm sorry, but I shouldn't pay for your health care. I thought that's what parents were for, but that's why I'm not a fan of Democrats. "The program was designed to cover uninsured children in families with incomes that are modest but too high to qualify for Medicaid." So, if I have an okay job, but no health care, these kids get taken care of. Why you're out having children that you can't pay for is beyond me, but I guess that's why I don't have children. All of you that are ready to reply to this about "Single parent" this or "I got laid off" that, save it. I don't care about your whining, and you should've worn a condom. It's YOUR f*cking bundle of joy, YOU should pay for it, not me, unless I want to, not be forced to. Next thing I know they'll be raising taxes on beer to pay for Fido getting spayed. Asshole Democrats. Why are there still pot holes on the roads I drive on?

Bird remains in both engines of US Airways jet. Why is this news? Ya THINK???? Morons.

Okay, that's all for now. I have to go the Doctor tomorrow, so I'm in a bad mood. I guess the good news is I might have some time to work on my blog. See ya then.

Rap.

2009-01-29T21:24:00.000-08:00

It was only a matter of time until I had to, you know, rap about this, so here we go.

I hate Rap, but on the other hand, I love it. If you're an old school headbanger, you have to admit that in private, you can't help but bob your head along with the rhythm. Yes, it's true. There are white folk out there who have rhythm, but we all like REAL music, not cheesy top 40 crap, not mamby-pamby "I love you" crap, but stuff that sticks to your ribs. And as much as I don't admit it, condone it, want my or any other kids to have it, or even hear it on public radio, it's here to stay, and I'm discreetly pleased that it is.

The truth of the matter, freedom of speech. But that's not what makes it delicious. Nope. It's the "And when dealin' with da Lynch Mob you GOTS ta know steady mobbin is not just the name of dis jam, but a way o life, bound together by muthaf*ckers thas known ta break 'em off somethin'. Give it to me." Lyrics. This is an era that will NEVER be captured so... well... oddly enough, eloquently, as it has been captured by the masters of the era. Right now I'm listening to Ice Cube's Greatest Hits, and it's a delightful collection of thug life, bad behavior, decadence, drug use and abuse, disrespect of your fellow man, violence against women, and pretty much everything that we rail against as civilized people.

I know I'm not on target here, and I don't intend to be. This is about what the reality is, not what the perception is. Most people have given the rappers the bye, saying "Oh, if you didn't grow up in the 'hood, you can't say anything". I've always felt this relatively true as well, but alas, the poets words, as all good poets words do, transcend boundaries because they have TRUTH to them. How the suburban kids felt these lessons applied to them, I'll never know. That's always ticked me off. Yet another post.

So, as a (wait! time to pause for "The Nigga Ya Love To Hate"!) guy that was brought up to respect your elders, do unto others, this all translates to "blah blah blah blah blah blah". I LOVE listening to this... uh... music. It's captivating. It's so dark. It's what Metal always wanted to be, but couldn't because our parents would kick our asses if we talked like this. I know at this point Ice Cube's Mom is happy because he's rich, she's rich, and frankly, they're all rich. She should've kicked Cube's ass for speaking like this, much less recording it, but I'm glad she didn't, because every single one of them guys from Public Enemy wrote some good sh*t, and goddamn it they're good.

18 years ago, when all of this (OG stuff, not Sugarhill Gang) really got started, I wasn't happy about it, but there really wasn't much I could do. I could rail all I wanted, but they spoke the truth about a part of society that existed, not about puppies and love and illusions. Their sh*t is real, and as much as I hated it, I couldn't take that away from them.

So, here I am, way too late, finally listening front to back the albums that really made a difference in the music world. You won't hear this stuff on the radio, and for that I'm thankful (different post!). However, as someone who loves all music, if you love music, you're being a hypocrite if you don't get some deep catalogue Public Enemy.

Having a hard time wrapping this post up (much less writing about it, lol), so I'll finish with this. It's not fair for anybody to judge another for their perspective. On the same token, those who have had it held against them, should NOT assume that the rest of "us" have that perspective. It might take us all a while to get there and eventually we all can see that the other side isn't so bad. I do ask that you treat me with respect before judging me, which is EXACTLY the message that I hear within the lyrics, so Ice Cube, if you read this (HA!), just smoke with me before you shoot me is all I ask.

Bits and Pieces

2009-01-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have lots to write about, but since I'm being watched, I'm going to cut it up into pieces. Here we go!

Anger Management - If you think I'm this angry in person, I'm not. Unless I'm driving, then I most certainly am. I actually have become angrier since starting this blog, but most of this stuff is supposed to be funny, and if you're taking it personally, or think I'm taking this personally, well, I don't. Unless you're French, Oprah, or driving like an idiot.

Vulgarity ROCKS! It has been pointed out that my potty mouth isn't going over so well. Good Lord Almighty, if you only knew how much editing I've done to keep this thing relatively clean. To all of you who would rather see my integrity restored, well, that's going to have to wait until I actually get paid to do this. Which I don't. So f*ck off.

GO STEELERS! 'Nuff Said!

Santonio Holmes! Trying to be a role model by saying "I used to sell drugs but don't anymore" isn't the right tactic. You made it, the rest of us haven't, so your point is moot. Bad idea.

Quitting smoking! It sucks, but if you have the right attitude, it's actually not so hard. So for all of you pussies who can't quit, well, you're a bunch of pussies. I'll probably be eating these words in a month, but hopefully I'll have gotten some by then, so then it'll be more appropriate.

Too Late to change Global Warming! So, now it's too late, and it's going to take 1000 years to reverse the effects? That doesn't jibe you scientist dorks. If a Volcano blows today, it's colder for a couple years. That's immediate, and doesn't take 1000 years. If the big volcano kahuna in Yellowstone blows tomorrow, we're in for an ice age like you wouldn't believe, and you'll be wishing we had used more Aqua-Net. My point is, just try to do the right thing, because if there's some earth-changing event coming, it isn't really going to matter how green we've been for the past 20 years.

Zetterberg signs for 12 years! NICE! Now he can get back to scoring (hint!).

Well, time to go for now. I'll see ya in a few.

What's the big idea???

2009-01-23T09:50:00.000-08:00

Those BASTARDS! I hate them. I know, hate is a strong word. But what else am I supposed say? Nice things? I don't think so.

A little recent history... I've been busting my ass as an employee (for various companies) for a few years straight here. Go in, work hard(like 8 hours of talking to people, fixing sh*t, work hard), go home. Starting in October, I got a position change and my job changed, and now I run a lot of scripts. This means that I click "GO" and wait for it to finish. This can take a few minutes or can take a few hours, depending on which "go" I click. I was really likin' this new position. I could read more, write in my blog, catch up on the 8 billion emails I never respond to (because I'm too busy when I get home... not easy being a professional procrastinator), and in general, try to de-stressify (yep, brand new dictionary entry) myself.

Apparently, the honeymoon is over. My immediate supervisor was nice enough to inform the team that "we as a whole are not where we're supposed to be", and we need to make sure we're in on time, leave on time, not be surfing the internet, and in general, work harder. Okay, I can understand that we need to make sure we're getting our jobs done. But we are. Most of the guys on the team work hard, even my script-go-clicking self. But just because we're reading up on new comets or some sh*t doesn't mean we're not doing what we're supposed to be doing. We're not Jimmie Johnson who has to focus for 3 hours at 200 miles an hour. We're computer jockeys. We click go, the camel walks. When the camel stops walking, we click go again. That's what we do.

So don't get all pissy with me, or my peeps, because you're in meetings for 8 hours a day that you can't get out of. That's YOUR job. And I know 8 hours of meetings per day sucks, and that's why I dont' want YOUR job. You waste 7.5 hours out of 8 talking about stupid stuff that you only need about a half hour to coordinate, realistically. So don't give me the "every time I walk past their desk, they're on the internet" crap. Of COURSE we're on the internet all day you jerkoffs, we have more than one window open, on more than one computer, and we're biding our time waiting for the next "go" to happen. Did you look at the logs? Tickets? Are they getting done? Yes. So shut your goddamned pie-holes and go back to your pathetic meetings, where you're the ones wasting company time talking about NOTHING that couldnt' be accomplished in about a half hour. "Hey Bob, I need this to happen. You okay with that?" "Sure Pete, I'll send you an email when it's done".

Besides, if you're so confident that we're spending so much of our day doing nothing, than why exactly do you have so much time making sure that we all aren't doing what we're supposed to be doing? Oh, and what do you know about doing our jobs, hmm? So, lemme get this straight. You have SO much free time, that you have to parade around in someone elses' department to see if the employees are doing what they're supposed to be doing when you don't know what it is that they actually f*cking DO? Okay. Got it.

So, I hate those who are watching my monitor as they walk past, bitching to my supervisors that we need more work/stuff to do. Now I have all kinds of things on my plate that I may or may not be able to finish, because now I'm clicking on too many camels and forget which ones are walking, stopped, or died along the way. So instead of getting my job done right, it's getting half assed, because now I have to stress about what's going to get done now, and now the people that I would normally go to with questions about how to do things (still kinda new here) aren't around because they're running around trying to get different answers for the same questions, ya know?

So for all you jealous douchebags who feel the need to stick your noses in other people's business, GO TO HELL. Mind your own f*cking business. I'm sure you woudn't want me having an in-depth discussion with your wife about how much work you're doing around your own house, or in your own bedroom. But I'm guessing she (or he) is hardly satisfied, because you think your house is perfect. Well, wake the f*ck up. If you have nothing better to do with your effort than to look around at what other people may or may not be doing, then you probably aren't spending enough time fixing your own sh*t.

So, sorry for not being more prolific with my blog, but it's not me, it's the nosy bastards that don't work with me that are the problem. I'll try to write more at night, but then, I wouldn't be getting paid for it then, now would I?

lol...

Well, I'm off to click the camel.

A few quick thoughts:

So glad Obama is in office. Maybe now they'll stop talking about it.

Why did Israel stop in Gaza, just because of Obama?

Go Steelers Go!

Why is it SO important that we know if Galileo can see or not? Where are their supervisors?

Gotta go. Lemme know your thoughts.

Oh Boy, this is funny

2009-01-16T07:32:00.000-08:00

Yikes.

Boy George! 15 months in prison for "falsely imprisoning" his lover, or whatever. I wasn't even going to read the article, but my morbid curiosity took over, and here we are. I didn't even think 15 months was that long for kidnapping, but there are lots of little inconsistencies with this story that I'm having a hard time understanding in between guffaws.

First of all, it's ruled as "False Imprisonment". What the hell does that mean anyway? That he didn't really imprison someone, but they were imprisoned anyway? I thought you either imprisoned someone, or didn't. Not a lot of grey area here. If he were a police department and arrested someone, then imprisoned them, I could see the false imprisonment. But he's not a cop, he's a homosexual, so unless he sang for the Village People at some point in his career, which I'm pretty sure he didn't, he doesn't have the right to imprison someone falsely. Okay, I'll accept the term for now. Let's move on.

I have to applaud Boy for remaining calm. Your friends and family though... "O'Dowd remained calm as he stood in the dock, but the verdict clearly shocked friends and family, some of whom burst into tears." What's so shocking about this? He was deemed guilty of pretty much a kidnapping crime, so he's being punished. You do the crime, you do the time. Like, OMG! I can't believe you're going to JAIL! Please. Quit your crying and move on.

But now, I have a bit of a beef (who says that anymore?) with the law and the facts here. This could take a while. "Taking into account the aggravating and such mitigating factors..."... "The singer had told police he had invited Carlsen back to his home after a cocaine-fueled pornographic photo shoot in January, 2007, because he suspected the Norwegian of stealing pictures from his computer." Good Lord, forgive me, but that's hysterical. Let's read that again!!! "The singer had told police he had invited Carlsen back to his home after a cocaine-fueled pornographic photo shoot in January, 2007, because he suspected the Norwegian of stealing pictures from his computer." Laugh my f*cking ass off, that's great. Why on earth you would TELL the police that you had returned from a cocaine fueled pornographic shoot I don't know, but I guess he thought the cops should know the facts. God Bless you Boy.

But wait? What's that? Ah, you invited him back to your house, after this coke porno party, because you think he's a thief, and a thief of photos to boot! Hey! Here's a great idea. Let's get all coked up, take some twisted porn pics, then we can go back to my place because you stole my pics! Sound good to you? Great!!! Not a lot of logic in that. Let's move on.

Warming up here... "During the two-week trial, Carlsen countered that the singer had handcuffed him to a wall and beaten him with a chain because he was angry he had refused to sleep with him when they first met." Well Boy, why didn't you want to do him this time? You got him all coked up, did some porno photo shoot, and got pissed because he didn't do you LAST time? I'm slipping. Need some help here.

Ah! This is where the law fails me. "Snaresbrook Court in east London heard Carlsen describe how he sustained injuries during their meeting in April, 2007, from being beaten and handcuffed. O'Dowd's lawyer said the injuries were consistent with bondage gear the Norwegian had worn."

So here, the Law shines. A couple of homosexuals get all coked up, do a pornographic photo shoot, go back to Boy's apartment, do the S&M bondage thing, never have sex apparently, and Boy is guilty of "False Imprisonment".

Okay.

I wasn't in court, so I didn't hear the testimony. But, the "victim" was wearing bondage gear, was tied up... and... ?

Falsely imprisoned?

Huh?

Okay pal, was it the Coke, the porn shoot, the bondage wear, the cuffs? Ah, that's it! It must've been the beating with the chain!

AT WHAT POINT DID YOU THINK THIS WAS NOT HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?

This is like the old lady spilling coffee on herself and suing McDonalds. At what point, super genius, did you realize this might not end up good? If you didn't want to f*ck Boy, you should NOT have accepted the Coke, NOT done the porn shoot, NOT gone back to his place, and certainly NOT modeled the bondage gear you f*cking MORON!

I wasn't there, so I don't know. Personally though, if you put yourself in a position to get beaten with a chain, you might not deserve it, but you shouldn't blame anybody but yourself for falling into the trap. 15 months for being pissed? Okay, okay, you shouldn't beat people with chains. But Boy, I have to sympathize with you on a level. He should've figured it out way before you even picked up the chain. Look at the bright side... at least you can get some in prison.

Miley Cyrus, a hottie? Uhhhh.....

2009-01-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

MSN TV, that paragon of journalism, is apparently in need of a good editor. I'll try to keep this one short because I've already posted twice today and have another one coming. Ah, the point.

What is wrong with this situation you might ask? Miley Cyrus, the 16 year old hottie! I think we should trump up charges of attempted child exploitation or something. It's not that she's not pretty, or famous or what have you. SHE'S 16! She does not qualify as "Hot", since she doesn't qualify as "LEGAL"! What the hell were you thinking MSN TV? If anyone were to think she were a hottie, they would certainly keep it to themselves. I'm sure there are situations where a grown man would look at an underage girl and think she's 18, and that's understandable and borderline acceptable. But we all KNOW that Miley is 16, so to overtly declare her as a "hottie" is disgusting, deplorable, immoral and a whole bunch of other words of indignancy that I won't put in here. But I should.

Good lord. I didnt' want to put the whole pic in there for bandwidth purposes, but she doesn't even look hot, she looks like she should, a 16 year old in a non-offensive dress. Plain. Not hot. But then again, we have other examples of what they consider hot here (sorry Cameron, not hot) and here (Frieda Pinto? You might be cute, but this is a horrible shot, and frankly, I'd be pissed if I were you. Not hot). I seriously think they need a new editor, because whoever chose these women, and these photos should be shot, and not with a camera. Some of the pics are good. Eva Longoria Parker looks good here, kinda, but most pics are off angle, bad poses, strange expressions. Horrible, just horrible! I feel sad for these ladies. I don't want to do any of them, and that's borderline impossible.

Frankly speaking, I could do better. MUCH better. So, Mr. Senior Editor, drop me a line and get me to do your photo ops next time. 'Cause whoever you got now, STINKS. I just finished the slide show, and Christina Applegate looks fine (not really hot, but beautiful. There's a difference). Overall? 1 or 2 of 19 photos is not a good ratio.

Oh, and Miley? NOT HOT! Jeez. You should be ashamed of yourselves MSN TV.

Ads that DO NOT BELONG ON MY SITE

2009-01-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, according to the Terms of Service for putting advertising space on my blog, I am not allowed to tell anybody to click on my ads, etc. I'm fine with that. I just put it there for an experiment, to see how it goes. So, I am going to request that if any advertisement comes up on this blog that are French, French related, or benefits any French companies, do NOT click on them. This is an order!!! If you do, they will perpetuate, and I will be forced to go offline, and I don't want to stop my ramblings. So, for the love of God, Bacon, and Beautiful (non-French) Women (okay, that's a bit of hypocrisy on my part, I'd do a French chick if she shaved), do NOT click on ads on my site that are French.

Have a great day!

(I laughed for about 20 minutes. And I just quit smoking. Like I need this crap!)

World of Warcraft a College Class? (warning! boring uber-dork topic!)

2009-01-15T06:26:00.001-08:00

This is going to be a long post, and it probably won't be as funny as my past posts, but I want to yap about it. I admit it. I play the game. I've spent countless hours leveling up my characters, and it's so involved it's like having a full time second job. It's addicting for gaming types, so if you haven't played it and are thinking about it, be warned... your life as you know it will change forever. But here we have an article about making it a college class, and the concept is actually quite viable. The focus of the class would be on the economics of the game, since a lot of the stuff you pick up along the way can be sold on a public auction house, where people who need the stuff you consider crap can be purchased to make stuff that may be needed by others. Therefore, the real laws of supply and demand apply, and would actually make for a good class in my opinion.

I know as a player of WoW that if I were in college, I'd take it in a heartbeat because it would actually put value on something I'm doing anyway. It would be similar to getting credit for drinking a lot. Good lord, if I could get credit for that, I would've had a PhD (more like multiple PhD's) 10 years ago. I might have earned a masters in sex, but the research is still ongoing. I'm hoping for my PhD in that too, but unfortunate side effects of long term relationships have put a damper on my willingness to tackle the subject material. Too bad relationships aren't more like alcohol. I'm still looking for a good Vodka, 'cause with a couple good mixers, you can change the flavor and you wouldnt' have to drink the same thing over and over... uh... I'd better get back to the subject at hand. I have a feeling I'm not getting any for a while after this paragraph. That, or there'll be a redhead wearing a french maid outfit when I get home. Probably a robe and a frying pan with my luck.

Where was I? Ah, that WoW class thing. Actually, in game there is a very unique economic model, because events can unfold which dramatically change the economic scene. For example, when new patches or upgrades for the entire game come out, items that were worth nothing yesterday all of a sudden become valuable commodities, and everybody is scrambling to harvest, buy and sell these items. There are examples of insider trading too, where people who find out before the latest release comes out what will be needed by others in great demand can hoard said items and make a killing when the new releases come out. Granted, there's no real money involved here, but gold in WoW land is earned, so making a lot of it helps you buy the better gear, and when you max that out, you can repeat the process with the other 4 characters you have.

So what's the problem? The problem is, the last thing a bunch of uber "1337" dweebs (you know who you are) need is MORE reason to play this game that they spend far too much time playing. Also, turning it into an actual class will give a student the idea to corner the market, or oversupply the system with too much stuff just to write a thesis paper. It only takes one person with some time on their hands to cause the existing economic system to crash, and that's a pain in the ass if you're just a casual gamer who isn't writing a paper on "what would happen if there were no healing potions" or something. It's one thing when an overall game change affects the game economy, because the laws of supply and demand apply. But when you make a class out of it, it's only a matter of time until every server has some college kid writing a paper on "WoW, Economic Collapse and YOU!".

I know, I'm being an alarmist. Actually, I think I'm just pissed because somebody is going to get paid (the professors, obviously) for having some knowledge and playing WoW. I mean, how unfair! I play the game to keep me out of the bars, not to get paid for it. Come to think of it, maybe I can get my Master's degree in economics just by paying attention to the market in WoW, hoarding my gold and crashing the market... and to think, I already have a title for my thesis! Then I can get paid for my dorky knowledge of a damn game! And if ANYBODY uses my thesis, all I ask is to send me a copy of your finished paper, and please don't do it on my server!

When it rains it pours, Plaxico!

2009-01-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

Ah, Plaxico. Just when you thought shooting yourself in the leg was the beginning of the end of your troubles, we keep finding out you have all kinds of cute little skeletons in your closet. Seriously now, why didn't you just pay the guy? I guess it's hard to live up to your contractual obligations when you pull up in the Avalanche(bad omens, anyone?) you borrowed and it looks like swiss cheese. Okay, maybe there weren't any bullet holes in it. But I'd be pissed if I lent my car to you and it came back damaged...

This is not the actual vehicle, but you get my point. Then you don't even have the courtesy to show up to do your autograph signing for the dealer, although you would have to sign a lot of autographs to pay off the 22,000 that was awarded to them. At this point, I'm sure the value of your autograph isn't where it should be for a superstar receiver. Dumbass. You make millions, and you can't do the right thing EVER? You disrespect your team on a regular basis by not showing up to meetings, shoot yourself in the leg so you can't help them in the playoffs, and now everybody wants a piece of your ass. There is a bright side though, at least you were more accurate shooting yourself in the leg than Eli Manning was on Sunday. Even you couldn't have helped him with that one, unless you could've capped him in the leg so the backup could've played.

However, keep up the good work. It gives me something to write about, and makes me feel better about my own indiscretions. I'm SO glad you're not playing for Pittsburgh any longer, we need guys that can play, not sit on the sidelines... or worse, in a jail cell. Have a fun offseason, I'll be waiting for the next round.

Mr. McNabb, please pick up the courtesy phone...

2009-01-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ah, silliness can certainly be sweet. Sometimes it's appropriate, and although he received a 15 yard penalty for it, I think it was appropriate. T.O, suck on this. McNabb has seen his share of disappointments, so when he decided to go unprofessional with the phone business I couldn't help but laugh. So you go Donovan, you had a good game, and a bit of levity to boot. Gratz. We'll see ya in Florida.

My kids are walking on WHAT?

2009-01-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

This is just too good... "Go green: new business lets you recycle your sex toys"

I know the green movement is on the upswing, and I'm all for taking care of the environment. But playground mulch? I can't even rant on this subject, I keep laughing.

My final thought on the matter? I sure hope that hair came from a Squirrel! YUK!

Moo really cares Oprah?

2009-01-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I like Oprah less than I like the French. I can't stand this broad. How many times are we going to be subjected to her stupid diets, her stupid weight gains, her stupid, stupid, stupid guests (Tom Cruise? The "Pregnant Man" who's biologically a woman?) , her stupid crusades, her stupid ideas.

If you're one of the sheep that follow this incomprehensibly self-righteous piece of filth, and you enjoy her work, I am truly sorry. Not for you mind you, and not for Oprah. I'm sorry that our society can prop up this cow so high on a pedestal yet she with her billion dollars does far too little work for society as a whole. Brangelina, whom I'm not very fond of either, does 50 times the work she does. At least Brad is building homes for people in THIS country. Yes, she has her school in Africa or some sh*t. The same school that had an abuse scandal going on. Wow Oprah, glad you can give those poor kids an opportunity to get molested. Great f*cking job.

As I surf the internet daily, I see her ads for "Try Oprah's Weight Loss Plan with Trainer Beady Eyed Douche!". Whatever his name is. Apparently his weight loss plan works so well, you'll break 200 pounds!!!! I'm disgusted. I need a break. brb.

200 pounds! Good LORD! I got pissed when I broke 200 pounds! And I'm a 6'1" man! At what point as a celebrity that's on TV every day do you realize that you're a COW? And then she has the audacity spout poor me crap? ""It's about using food – abusing food. Too much work. Not enough play. Not enough time to come down. Not enough time to really relax." She adds: "I am hungry for balance. I'm hungry to do something other than work.""

Too much work?? If you were working too hard, you wouldn't have time to stuff your fat face now would ya? Hungry for balance? Hungry for something other than work??? HOLY #$%^&!!!! You're obviously hungry for fifths at the China Buffet! Hey Oprah, you fat cow, Goodyear called, and they want to use you for aerodynamic testing at their blimp research facility! Have you been near Yellowstone lately?

And finally, you fat f*cking hypocrite, you end your article with this drivel... "One of the things I had to learn to do is to embrace this body that I have and be grateful for what this body has given me," she says. "God blessed me and this body. I mean, I could weep right now thinking about the love and appreciation I have for this body. For that, I am truly grateful."

Had to learn? I could weep? Are you f*cking kidding me???? You self centered pig! Embrace this body? Maybe with 3 more people you could try it. I've never liked you Oprah, and you can take your billion dollars and your sheep and shove them up your fat 200 pound ass. This goes beyond boycott. I think PETA should take away their praising of her (ooh! she dedicated a show to her dog! Let's give her a PETA award!), because she's not gaining weight eating vegetables, that's for damned sure. I sure hope she donated a few mil (not mentioned in the article), because eating like a pig doesn't make you sympathetic toward animals.

This country is going through it's worst economic crisis ever. Why don't you think of something besides menu items to focus on. I for one don't give a rat's ass about you, but you should really think about and help the people who got you to where you are. God forgive me, but I hate you.

Uhhh, Sid? What the hell was that?

2009-01-04T20:14:00.001-08:00

Sidney Crosby, that was embarrasing (fast forward to 2:20 if you want to see the start of the fight). I know Pens fans all over should be cringing watching the replays. I didn't see the game, and I know you said you asked to go, but it sure didn't look like it. Grabbing his jersey (with both hands... aren't you supposed to punch with one?) and yanking him all over the ice like a dog with a piece of rope didn't look very good. Normally both players will have a sort of neutral position before duking it out, honor amongst warriors and all. That was dog with a chew toy. I know you're a young superstar, but as a leader, you should discuss these things with your enforcers before attempting to fire up your team.

I can understand being frustrated. I can understand stress, pressure, the pain of being in a slump (not as a hockey superstar, but I have my days (weeks? months???)), but that was the example the "there should be no fighting in hockey" jerks are looking for to ban fighting. For God's sake man, you practically drove his head into the ice. NO! Bad Dog!!! You deserved every second of the penalties awarded to you (fighting, instigator, game misconduct) that you got. And on top of it all? McLean says he didn't hear any "yes"...

(quotes from McLean, reported from the Miami Herald)
Did you discuss fighting him? "We had not, at any point. It was as surprising to me as it was to you guys."
Did you ever see it coming? "No I didn't."
Was Sidney jawing at you earlier in the game? "Before the face-off, like I told you yesterday, he was saying something but I didn't really hear it. I didn't know what he was saying, didn't really pay attention to it."
Did you ever say yes to him as he said? "No, I mean, I don't know where that came from."

So, what's the deal Sid? I can understand if McLean is having selective amnesia for getting his ass kicked by you, of all people. But, it's not like Crosby won the fight fair or anything. I've been in a couple of those fights. It goes something like this...

Scene: Random club, Anytown USA. There is a gentleman (Man #1. That would be me. I use the term loosely) at the bar, standing not unreasonably close to an attractive female (Woman), at least as attractive as 8 drinks will allow. There is another man (Man #2), standing nearby, leering at the shot girl.

Man #1: Hi! Can I get you something while I have their attention?
Woman: That'd be...
Man #2: Are you!...
(Man #2 grabs patron by the collar, pulls him to the floor, and proceeds to punch Man #1 in the head)
Man #1: But.... ow... ow... hey...
(close scene)

This is what I'm talking about. Enforcers don't just beat the crap out of each other without some kind of code. This "display" of yours may have energized the fans (I absolutely hate that cheering girl in the video. Lori, that had better not be you), but as ANY coach in ANY sport will tell you, you hurt them on the scoreboard. You don't just drive their unsuspecting heads into the ice. I can understand McLean not hearing what you're saying, because you, as the face of the NHL, are saying "You wanna go?". That probably sounded like, "Hey! I like your new skate laces!" You CLEARLY jumped his ass, and NOT in the way a players likes to get jumped. THEN you proceeded to use not one hand on his jersey, but two, like some rapist on a passed out girl at a frat party. You didn't let him stand, you took a cheap shot when he was just beginning to think "Is this guy really fighting me?" And then you drive his face into the ice (both hands?). You sir, and I'm loathe to use that term because you're clearly just a kid, need some counseling or something, because with jerkoff moves like that on the ice, you're going to get creamed out there, and frankly I think you deserve it. Frustration does not justify this type of behavior. Leave the fisticuffs to guys who can. Not to jerks who obviously can't, and shouldn't. That being said...

As for the announcers, I know it's hard to put together good commentary when the moment is happening, but saying things along the lines of "They're trying to send a message that it's going to be physical when you come to Pittsburgh" is saying what exactly? That next time anyone comes to play these guys they should send out their enforcer to drop the gloves with CROSBY? Your Golden Child? What the hell kind of message is that exactly? Yeah, maybe I'm overreacting, but as a Red Wing fan, I respect the talent the Pens bring to the table. This was not talent, this was just awful. I personally think Crosby should get a suspension from the league, but not because of what he did, but because he needs some time out from hockey to get his sh*t together. Your fans are wondering when you're going to score on the power play, not when you're going to take your mediocre #2 center (rossis, all you) who claims to be the face of the NHL taking 20 penalty minutes for a dishonorable hockey fight.

Sidney, I think you're talented and are having a tough time right now. I'd probably feel the same if I couldn't drink. But, you're the face, and this type of behavior is not helping you, your team, or the fans that love the Penguins. Whether they love you in the long run is up to you. Perhaps you should eat breakfast with Mario more often while you're living there.

Classic!

2009-01-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

I was looking forward to a good game between my Red Wings and Blackhawks, and I certainly wasn't disappointed with the outcome. The crowd, the venue, the weather was all good. The players seemed ready to play... at least Chicago looked ready.

In the first period, Chicago came out with spark and fire, and Versteeg quickly put one behind Conklin on the power play, who I thought may have been picking daisies out in the outfield. It was a power play goal, so Conks is forgiven for now. The Wings would quickly tie it up with their own power play goal, but Versteeg on another Blackhawk power play would slide a beautiful pass from behind the net to a driving Havlat who put it top left corner. Not much chance for Conklin on that one, but I was starting to wonder if the Wings were going to get the cement out of their skates. No such luck as later in the period Early would shake off Lilja behind the net, reverse direction and wrap it around front. It was a pretty, pretty goal. Conklin, I think, was on "she loves me not".

Coming out for the second period, apparently Detroit found the box of Dr. Scholl's lead lined skate inserts and removed them. They came out fast and hard, and Hudler scored within the first 2 minutes. Both teams would play well, but Detroit kept up the pressure and evened it up a little over halfway through the period with another tally from Hudler. It helped that neither team committed a lot of penalties, although the second Hudler goal came right after Chicago killed off a power play. Datsyuk would remind the world why he's one of the best at the end of the period, blasting between 2 defenders, deking out Huet and sliding one 5 hole to take the lead at 4-3.

The third period was Detroit's to lose, but came out hard scoring 2 goals within a minute at the 3 minute mark. The second of those goals was immediately waived off by the ref, but after further review showed it taking a wacky bounce off the inside of the net. 6-3 Wings. At this point, I could work on my hangover with some hair of the dog, since Detroit would go into shut down mode. The effort withstood a few chances from Chicago, but overall the Wings would keep the Hawks out of the net until 20 seconds remaining in the period, when they put one in behind Conklin on the power play. End game, 6-4, Red Wings Win!

Besides the skate insert incident in the first period, both teams played very well on this Winter Classic day. Detroit showed up to play like the champions they are, (at least in the 2nd and 3rd) and the Blackhawks showed a lot of speed and grit that these young players have. It was a great hockey game to watch from my perspective, and I hope whoever else watched the game enjoyed it as much as I did. Okay, so I'm a little biased. But overall, I think for the NHL, the Winter Classic lived up to its' name. I certainly am looking forward to next year's matchup, and despite the NHL folks complaining about the "ice quality", I think snow was the only thing missing from this year's Winter Classic.

Stephen Colbert: I Am America (And So Can You!)

2008-12-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

I like this guy. If you like the Colbert Report, then you'll love this book. It's chock full of his unique witticisms, so if you're a fan, it's truly a must-have. I could expound on the content, but the book forbids me from doing that. I'd lend you a copy, but that's forbidden too. There are many things I would love to tell you about it. Nope. No can do.

Seriously though, it was a great read, one that will take you just a few nights or a couple hours in the afternoon to get through, since it's only about 220 pages long, with illustrations (and fun zones, lol). I'm snickering to myself as I'm writing this thinking of all the little details that make it a fun read, but telling you would be spoiling it for the treasure trove of off-wit that it is. So, tough. Go out and get yourself a copy, give it as a gift to friends who like his show. You, and they, will not be disappointed.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

Yes, I said it. Merry f*cking Christmas. None of this Happy Holidays b.s. However, I do think you should have a great Holiday, regardless of whatever you do or do not celebrate. I personally could care less about Christmas. Yeah, I know, bah humbug this pal.

I do get reflective this time of year, and I guess to me this is what Christmas is all about... just thinking of the good things that we have done and what have been done for us this past year. New Year's is about the future, so for these few weeks, I dwell.

I've made many new friends this year, and some of them might actually read this blog, and to those FIRST I'll say thank you. Change is nice when it's for the better, and those new folks that I've met have been fresh air for me. It always reminds me that no matter what jerk is pissing me off in front of me when I'm driving, there are lots of people that I meet that aren't incosiderate pricks. Why I can't be driving behind them, I'll never know.

For all of my regular peeps out there, keep on keepin' on. After knowing you folks for so damned long I sometimes wonder what there is to talk about anymore, but somehow we manage. Thank God for Hockey, Football and the Internet.

Well, I have a Turkey cooking and some guests should be arriving soon. I need to get crackin'. Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Murphy's got me!!!

2008-12-23T08:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, one of those days. Cold as hell, could hardly get out of the re-frozen driveway. Can't find my wallet. Stuck behind morons the whole drive in to work. Get to work? Monitor won't turn on. Call the help desk? Talk to some douchebag from some other country, and I still don't have a monitor. "Borrow" a monitor from a (temporarily) vacant cube, and finally get to work. What's this? Can't run my scripts, ticketing system not working correctly, and the ticket I created to get a new monitor? Sitting there in the bucket "waiting for reply from customer". Hmm. That's odd, the phone didn't ring, and I have no messages.

Facebook wont' let me log in, my IE is giving me hell and I've accomplished NOTHING yet today. I was supposed to call someone last night, but got sidetracked and by the time I remembered, it was too late to call, so maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time today.

What was it, Thursday that was a good day? I think I'm just going to reflect on that for the rest of the day, so if you're looking for me, you'll have to turn over some rocks. I'm goin' hiding.

Sweetness.

2008-12-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh... There's nothing better than going to see a hockey game and having the team you're rooting for win... in this case, the Devils. I'm a closet Devils fan, because they figured out how to look like a real team in the 90's, instead of that Roma pizza uni they had in the 80's. I know Wyshynski would know what I'm talking about.

Regardless, it was a fantastic whooping of the Sens, 5-1. Clemmensen? You rock. You made some spectacular saves when the defense had the lapse of judgement, and were solid. I'm thinkin', who's that other injured guy? What's his name... can't quite... hmm... sister? Whatever. I know he's pretty good though.

The point! AH! The Devils ROCKED. They were so good tonight, I though I was watching the Red Wings. Seriously, I could've had a nap. They spent all night in the Sen's zone, shot when they had a shot, but not just to take a shot... it was... .almost creepy! Normally when I see the Devils play, they are rarely in synch. Something is distracting, or a player or two are dominant/distractions. Not tonight.

The Devils played the best game I think I've ever seen them play, mainly because they're playing like a team that I've never seen before from them. Not a trap, they just played like... they want to play hockey. I know, stupid saying, but... they looked like they were enjoying themselves. And I enjoyed myself thoroughly. These guys, if they can keep this thing going, are going to go far this season as long as they dont' change anything... until that goalie.... what's his name?... whatever. It isn't broke, will they fix it?

(cue Ice Cube) Today was a good day.

2008-12-18T21:30:00.001-08:00

Just a quick thought before I crash. Although the day started normally, what promised to be a tough day at work before today ended up being an easy one. The atmosphere was great, and we actually played Wii as a nice jesture from management and had a free lunch (for like, 2+ hours).

Had dinner plans with a new friend that was filled with great conversation, in a place I'd never been, and that always rocks in my book. Hate it when time flies, but that's when you know you're having a good time. On the way home, stopped for a pit stop at the local watering hole to have a beer, and picked up 2 free tickets for tomorrow's Devils-Sens game. On top of that, I knew the Wings were playing tonight and lo and behold they crush the Sharks, 6-0. Yes, the Sharks are on a road trip and lost in OT to the Blue Jackets yesterday, so they're tired, but a shutout? Nice.

When I think about all the things in life that happen, good and bad, it's nice to have a day like today where nothing goes wrong... we don't get enough of the good ones. I'd love to elaborate more on the day, but I'm going to save all these little details for the days when the sh*t hits the fan. So, chalk up one win for the good guys. Thanks to all that made it happen.

Man of the Year?

2008-12-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

Obama is Time Person of the Year. Regardless of whether I actually voted for the guy or not, I really have a problem with this. I mean, don't you actually have to DO something? I remember when they put Gorbachev on the cover, when he like, oh, I dunno, TORE DOWN THE BERLIN WALL? Now THAT was important.

What'd Obama actually do? Hold on here.... ""In one of the craziest elections in American history, he overcame a lack of experience, a funny name, two candidates who are political institutions and the racial divide to become the 44th president of the United States," the magazine said."

Wow. I don't have any experience, I have a funny name, and the two political institutions... the what? I would imagine they're talking about Hillary (bitch-on-wheels-from-hell which no man in his right mind would vote for) or McCain (who may have edited the old testament) . Gee, that was really hard considering the liberal media did absoutely nothing to confront his past or lack of experience. All he had to do was spout his change rhetoric and the clouds parted, the beam of light came down and all was right in America. Okay, he did conquer the racial divide. However, considering Bush had an approval rating of 20%, you could've put in Mickey Mouse as an independent and won.

Seriously, what the hell has he done, besides give us some hope? That wasn't that hard either. "I'm not President Bush!" TA-DA! Wow! Man of the Year material here!

I'm all for Obama now that he's the incumbent Commander In Chief, and as a Veteran, I will support him and my country. But Man of the Year? Well, I suppose I should be happy about this really... it makes my future position as Man of the Year that much more feasible. Oh wait, I served my country... I'm already overqualified. Damn.

Who needs nails anyway?

2008-12-15T06:27:00.000-08:00

There's a plot. There HAS to be a plot. A plot to kill me. Watching the Steelers is becoming so damned stressful I can't look anymore. They do nothing offensively to write home about and come back to win in the 4th quarter. AGAIN. Yes, this makes for good football. Yes, it's exciting. It's killing me. Is there anyone out there who's not a wreck by the end of the game? Great catch Santonio. I mean, great. Like, season clinching, scream until I'm hoarse great.

But... I just can't watch. They win, which is good. But how can they look so incredibly mediocre all game and then look like champions for 2 minutes? Yes, the 2 minutes is all they need. Regardless, it's either Tomlin or Ben that's plotting for my head to explode. And on top of it all, Ben comes out with a decent day, everybody's numbers (except for our running game lately) look... well, not too horrible. It boggles the mind. I feel like I'm watching the Lions play for 58 minutes sometimes, yet the stats are reasonable.

However, now that they have clinched the division, I can relax a little... but if they keep this crap up throughout the playoffs, I might not survive. Well, as long as they keep winning, that is.

Hmm....

2008-12-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

I love Hockey. Alas, I don't watch a lot until the Playoffs roll around, and I'm not paying the money for the package so I can watch the Red Wings play. So, I keep up by reading the blogs and news, and I really just like good hockey, no matter who ultimately wins.

So how about them Sharks? Unbeaten at home? How dangerous are these guys? As a Wings fan, I'm starting to sweat a little bit. We're certainly not slouching, but a lot of our wins are coming in OT, which doesn't bode well. Granted, it's still way early in the season, so it's silly to speculate but I can't help but think that this year may be trouble. The nice thing is, if we can stay on top of the division, we can let someone else take them out early in the playoffs.

If they can.

I don't like the French

2008-12-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the fact that they're ungrateful pricks for the US (and her allies) getting France back for them on a regular basis. Maybe it's because the language, when spoken, sounds ridiculous. Perhaps I'm just biased against women who don't shave. All the rumors about being an American in Paris? True.

Today, I have to put my life on hold because the set of Michelin tires on my car, which have just under 40k miles on them, need to be replaced. They're supposed to last for 60k. French tire company, you SUCK. They weren't good in the snow or rain, and frankly, I just wasn't feeling the confidence going around corners.

So, Michelin Man, Go to Hell. Gonna get me some Goodyears.

To be continued.

Please! Share your "I don't like the French" stories!

Brass

2008-12-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

"EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. (AP)—The NFL Players Association filed a grievance on Tuesday challenging the suspension and fine given to Plaxico Burress by the New York Giants after the receiver accidentally shot himself in a nightclub more than a week ago."

You have GOT to be kidding me. The NFLPA is going to appeal. I know they have the right to appeal and all, but... seriously? Say, if he was just shot, and not by his dumbass self, then I could see even thinking about this. Challenging? As in, "He might NOT have shot himself! It could've been somebody else!"? Are they really serious? I guess he hasn't been PROVEN guilty that he shot his dumbass self.

Aren't we clear that he shot himself? Is... Did I miss something??? I mean... blam, his gun, on his own, the hospital fiasco, weak attempted cover-up... APPEAL? Is there some braniac working for the NFLPA that thinks this is some "vague" incident? If I were Plax, wouldn't I want less press at this point?

I guess I'm just mad that I'm not one of the guys working for the NFLPA... I don't get paid to create frivolous appeals just to suck money out of the system.

Good luck on the appeal Plax. I hope your leg heals just fine.

Driving.

2008-12-09T14:38:00.000-08:00

I love to drive. I've driven at LEAST a million miles, and I've seen just about every kind of driver, in over 30 of these 50 states. Not for work mind you, but to visit friends, vacations, etc. 15 hours to Atlanta? Not a problem. But this isn't really about MY driving, it's about YOUR driving. Here's a list of things I just wish people would do:

If you're turning left or right, STAY to the left or right please? Nothing kills momentum like those that drift to the right when they're making a left.

Do the speed limit! They make that baseline for how safe the road IS. Alright, if it's foggy, I can see slowing down, however...

...Don't hit your brake pedal every 2 seconds. It's distracting, and just shows that you don't know where the hell you're going.

Speaking of that, if you're keeping 50 cars behind you because you're slower than a turtle stuck in glue, find a place to pull over to let the others pass. Normally this isn't required that often, but when the situation exists, get out of the way.

Merge? Can people STOP being jackasses when merging? One, two. One, two. NOT HARD. Thinking that your one car length is going to get you out of there any faster is STUPID. If everybody would learn how to merge (and imagine that! You can do it while MOVING!), we'd all get there faster, instead of you and your one stupid car length.

I'll concede this... accidents are fun to look at. We can't help it, it's human (and apparently feline) nature. Just keep it moving while gawking.

Look around you. There are cars out there. You should KNOW this, and know where they are.

Related to that? How about that guy in the fast lane barely passing? MOVE IT! If you're going to pass someone, just do it. Don't sit there with your cruise control on and wait 15 miles to realize you're being a selfish ass by holding up the 100 people behind you waiting to pass YOU...

And when you do pass when being trailed by a gazillion cars? Move back into the slow lane please. Put on your blinker, and move the hell over.

I guess what I'm saying is learn how to drive, and pay $%^&*# attention. We'd all get there a LOT faster.

Thank You, Lori and Vern

2008-12-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Lori and Vern,

You two have made me laugh regularly for a while now, so I realized it's time to do something with my time other than read your blogs, and that's write my own. I read a LOT of blogs, but the two of you have reminded me that this IS a free country, and I can type whatever the f*ck I want if it's my blog. Granted, my blog won't be as witty, or perhaps even as vulgar as either of yours, but at least I'm doing it.

So, as my first post, just a thank you. I hope I eventually have something fun to contribute, 'cause lord knows there aren't enough Red Wing and Steelers fans to go around (And just for the record, I've been a Steelers fan since 75 and Wings fan since 84, so don't even give me that bandwagon shit). I just need to be heard, even if it's just by a bunch of fiber optic cable and Cisco switches.

As I tell my lady friends, Onward Ho!