Crunch crunch crunch. Whoa, dude... total head rush. The FDA, the lovable drug police arm of the government, is getting on General Mills' ass about the claim that eating Cheerios can lower cholesterol levels by 10%. Why is this an issue? I mean, there are no absurd chemical compounds in Cheerios that aren't found in other cereals. They make them out of f*cking OATS. Oats are good for you, they reduce Cholesterol. The FDA says that if General Mills makes the claim, that makes Cheerios a drug. Are you serious? So, if I cut cheeseburgers out of my diet and reduce my cholesterol, does that make McDonalds the anti-drug?
I don't get it. If it were a mysterious chemical formula, okay. I can see it. However, it's a f*cking box of CHEERIOS. Made from oats. With perhaps some love. If you want to see the ingredient list, here ya go. What is it, the oat fiber? No, that's okay. Vitamin B? A? What is it???? No, no mysterious ingredients.
Well then, I have a proposal. I think that if you give me oral sex and consume the product daily instead of eating cheeseburgers, your cholesterol will go down 10%. That makes me a drug FDA, so you'd better get some chick over here to dispute my claims ASAP. Then you can truly suck, since apparently, you do. Assholes.
