Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Stephen Colbert: I Am America (And So Can You!)

I like this guy. If you like the Colbert Report, then you'll love this book. It's chock full of his unique witticisms, so if you're a fan, it's truly a must-have. I could expound on the content, but the book forbids me from doing that. I'd lend you a copy, but that's forbidden too. There are many things I would love to tell you about it. Nope. No can do.
Seriously though, it was a great read, one that will take you just a few nights or a couple hours in the afternoon to get through, since it's only about 220 pages long, with illustrations (and fun zones, lol). I'm snickering to myself as I'm writing this thinking of all the little details that make it a fun read, but telling you would be spoiling it for the treasure trove of off-wit that it is. So, tough. Go out and get yourself a copy, give it as a gift to friends who like his show. You, and they, will not be disappointed.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Yes, I said it. Merry f*cking Christmas. None of this Happy Holidays b.s. However, I do think you should have a great Holiday, regardless of whatever you do or do not celebrate. I personally could care less about Christmas. Yeah, I know, bah humbug this pal.

I do get reflective this time of year, and I guess to me this is what Christmas is all about... just thinking of the good things that we have done and what have been done for us this past year. New Year's is about the future, so for these few weeks, I dwell.

I've made many new friends this year, and some of them might actually read this blog, and to those FIRST I'll say thank you. Change is nice when it's for the better, and those new folks that I've met have been fresh air for me. It always reminds me that no matter what jerk is pissing me off in front of me when I'm driving, there are lots of people that I meet that aren't incosiderate pricks. Why I can't be driving behind them, I'll never know.

For all of my regular peeps out there, keep on keepin' on. After knowing you folks for so damned long I sometimes wonder what there is to talk about anymore, but somehow we manage. Thank God for Hockey, Football and the Internet.

Well, I have a Turkey cooking and some guests should be arriving soon. I need to get crackin'. Just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Murphy's got me!!!

Ah, one of those days. Cold as hell, could hardly get out of the re-frozen driveway. Can't find my wallet. Stuck behind morons the whole drive in to work. Get to work? Monitor won't turn on. Call the help desk? Talk to some douchebag from some other country, and I still don't have a monitor. "Borrow" a monitor from a (temporarily) vacant cube, and finally get to work. What's this? Can't run my scripts, ticketing system not working correctly, and the ticket I created to get a new monitor? Sitting there in the bucket "waiting for reply from customer". Hmm. That's odd, the phone didn't ring, and I have no messages.

Facebook wont' let me log in, my IE is giving me hell and I've accomplished NOTHING yet today. I was supposed to call someone last night, but got sidetracked and by the time I remembered, it was too late to call, so maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time today.

What was it, Thursday that was a good day? I think I'm just going to reflect on that for the rest of the day, so if you're looking for me, you'll have to turn over some rocks. I'm goin' hiding.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Ahhhh... There's nothing better than going to see a hockey game and having the team you're rooting for win... in this case, the Devils. I'm a closet Devils fan, because they figured out how to look like a real team in the 90's, instead of that Roma pizza uni they had in the 80's. I know Wyshynski would know what I'm talking about.

Regardless, it was a fantastic whooping of the Sens, 5-1. Clemmensen? You rock. You made some spectacular saves when the defense had the lapse of judgement, and were solid. I'm thinkin', who's that other injured guy? What's his name... can't quite... hmm... sister? Whatever. I know he's pretty good though.

The point! AH! The Devils ROCKED. They were so good tonight, I though I was watching the Red Wings. Seriously, I could've had a nap. They spent all night in the Sen's zone, shot when they had a shot, but not just to take a shot... it was... .almost creepy! Normally when I see the Devils play, they are rarely in synch. Something is distracting, or a player or two are dominant/distractions. Not tonight.

The Devils played the best game I think I've ever seen them play, mainly because they're playing like a team that I've never seen before from them. Not a trap, they just played like... they want to play hockey. I know, stupid saying, but... they looked like they were enjoying themselves. And I enjoyed myself thoroughly. These guys, if they can keep this thing going, are going to go far this season as long as they dont' change anything... until that goalie.... what's his name?... whatever. It isn't broke, will they fix it?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

(cue Ice Cube) Today was a good day.

Just a quick thought before I crash. Although the day started normally, what promised to be a tough day at work before today ended up being an easy one. The atmosphere was great, and we actually played Wii as a nice jesture from management and had a free lunch (for like, 2+ hours).

Had dinner plans with a new friend that was filled with great conversation, in a place I'd never been, and that always rocks in my book. Hate it when time flies, but that's when you know you're having a good time. On the way home, stopped for a pit stop at the local watering hole to have a beer, and picked up 2 free tickets for tomorrow's Devils-Sens game. On top of that, I knew the Wings were playing tonight and lo and behold they crush the Sharks, 6-0. Yes, the Sharks are on a road trip and lost in OT to the Blue Jackets yesterday, so they're tired, but a shutout? Nice.

When I think about all the things in life that happen, good and bad, it's nice to have a day like today where nothing goes wrong... we don't get enough of the good ones. I'd love to elaborate more on the day, but I'm going to save all these little details for the days when the sh*t hits the fan. So, chalk up one win for the good guys. Thanks to all that made it happen.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Man of the Year?

Obama is Time Person of the Year. Regardless of whether I actually voted for the guy or not, I really have a problem with this. I mean, don't you actually have to DO something? I remember when they put Gorbachev on the cover, when he like, oh, I dunno, TORE DOWN THE BERLIN WALL? Now THAT was important.
What'd Obama actually do? Hold on here.... ""In one of the craziest elections in American history, he overcame a lack of experience, a funny name, two candidates who are political institutions and the racial divide to become the 44th president of the United States," the magazine said."
Wow. I don't have any experience, I have a funny name, and the two political institutions... the what? I would imagine they're talking about Hillary (bitch-on-wheels-from-hell which no man in his right mind would vote for) or McCain (who may have edited the old testament) . Gee, that was really hard considering the liberal media did absoutely nothing to confront his past or lack of experience. All he had to do was spout his change rhetoric and the clouds parted, the beam of light came down and all was right in America. Okay, he did conquer the racial divide. However, considering Bush had an approval rating of 20%, you could've put in Mickey Mouse as an independent and won.
Seriously, what the hell has he done, besides give us some hope? That wasn't that hard either. "I'm not President Bush!" TA-DA! Wow! Man of the Year material here!
I'm all for Obama now that he's the incumbent Commander In Chief, and as a Veteran, I will support him and my country. But Man of the Year? Well, I suppose I should be happy about this really... it makes my future position as Man of the Year that much more feasible. Oh wait, I served my country... I'm already overqualified. Damn.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Who needs nails anyway?

There's a plot. There HAS to be a plot. A plot to kill me. Watching the Steelers is becoming so damned stressful I can't look anymore. They do nothing offensively to write home about and come back to win in the 4th quarter. AGAIN. Yes, this makes for good football. Yes, it's exciting. It's killing me. Is there anyone out there who's not a wreck by the end of the game? Great catch Santonio. I mean, great. Like, season clinching, scream until I'm hoarse great.

But... I just can't watch. They win, which is good. But how can they look so incredibly mediocre all game and then look like champions for 2 minutes? Yes, the 2 minutes is all they need. Regardless, it's either Tomlin or Ben that's plotting for my head to explode. And on top of it all, Ben comes out with a decent day, everybody's numbers (except for our running game lately) look... well, not too horrible. It boggles the mind. I feel like I'm watching the Lions play for 58 minutes sometimes, yet the stats are reasonable.

However, now that they have clinched the division, I can relax a little... but if they keep this crap up throughout the playoffs, I might not survive. Well, as long as they keep winning, that is.

Sunday, December 14, 2008


I love Hockey. Alas, I don't watch a lot until the Playoffs roll around, and I'm not paying the money for the package so I can watch the Red Wings play. So, I keep up by reading the blogs and news, and I really just like good hockey, no matter who ultimately wins.

So how about them Sharks? Unbeaten at home? How dangerous are these guys? As a Wings fan, I'm starting to sweat a little bit. We're certainly not slouching, but a lot of our wins are coming in OT, which doesn't bode well. Granted, it's still way early in the season, so it's silly to speculate but I can't help but think that this year may be trouble. The nice thing is, if we can stay on top of the division, we can let someone else take them out early in the playoffs.

If they can.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I don't like the French

Maybe it's the fact that they're ungrateful pricks for the US (and her allies) getting France back for them on a regular basis. Maybe it's because the language, when spoken, sounds ridiculous. Perhaps I'm just biased against women who don't shave. All the rumors about being an American in Paris? True.

Today, I have to put my life on hold because the set of Michelin tires on my car, which have just under 40k miles on them, need to be replaced. They're supposed to last for 60k. French tire company, you SUCK. They weren't good in the snow or rain, and frankly, I just wasn't feeling the confidence going around corners.

So, Michelin Man, Go to Hell. Gonna get me some Goodyears.

To be continued.
Please! Share your "I don't like the French" stories!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


"EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. (AP)—The NFL Players Association filed a grievance on Tuesday challenging the suspension and fine given to Plaxico Burress by the New York Giants after the receiver accidentally shot himself in a nightclub more than a week ago."

You have GOT to be kidding me. The NFLPA is going to appeal. I know they have the right to appeal and all, but... seriously? Say, if he was just shot, and not by his dumbass self, then I could see even thinking about this. Challenging? As in, "He might NOT have shot himself! It could've been somebody else!"? Are they really serious? I guess he hasn't been PROVEN guilty that he shot his dumbass self.

Aren't we clear that he shot himself? Is... Did I miss something??? I mean... blam, his gun, on his own, the hospital fiasco, weak attempted cover-up... APPEAL? Is there some braniac working for the NFLPA that thinks this is some "vague" incident? If I were Plax, wouldn't I want less press at this point?

I guess I'm just mad that I'm not one of the guys working for the NFLPA... I don't get paid to create frivolous appeals just to suck money out of the system.

Good luck on the appeal Plax. I hope your leg heals just fine.


I love to drive. I've driven at LEAST a million miles, and I've seen just about every kind of driver, in over 30 of these 50 states. Not for work mind you, but to visit friends, vacations, etc. 15 hours to Atlanta? Not a problem. But this isn't really about MY driving, it's about YOUR driving. Here's a list of things I just wish people would do:

If you're turning left or right, STAY to the left or right please? Nothing kills momentum like those that drift to the right when they're making a left.

Do the speed limit! They make that baseline for how safe the road IS. Alright, if it's foggy, I can see slowing down, however...

...Don't hit your brake pedal every 2 seconds. It's distracting, and just shows that you don't know where the hell you're going.

Speaking of that, if you're keeping 50 cars behind you because you're slower than a turtle stuck in glue, find a place to pull over to let the others pass. Normally this isn't required that often, but when the situation exists, get out of the way.

Merge? Can people STOP being jackasses when merging? One, two. One, two. NOT HARD. Thinking that your one car length is going to get you out of there any faster is STUPID. If everybody would learn how to merge (and imagine that! You can do it while MOVING!), we'd all get there faster, instead of you and your one stupid car length.

I'll concede this... accidents are fun to look at. We can't help it, it's human (and apparently feline) nature. Just keep it moving while gawking.

Look around you. There are cars out there. You should KNOW this, and know where they are.

Related to that? How about that guy in the fast lane barely passing? MOVE IT! If you're going to pass someone, just do it. Don't sit there with your cruise control on and wait 15 miles to realize you're being a selfish ass by holding up the 100 people behind you waiting to pass YOU...

And when you do pass when being trailed by a gazillion cars? Move back into the slow lane please. Put on your blinker, and move the hell over.

I guess what I'm saying is learn how to drive, and pay $%^&*# attention. We'd all get there a LOT faster.

Thank You, Lori and Vern

Dear Lori and Vern,

You two have made me laugh regularly for a while now, so I realized it's time to do something with my time other than read your blogs, and that's write my own. I read a LOT of blogs, but the two of you have reminded me that this IS a free country, and I can type whatever the f*ck I want if it's my blog. Granted, my blog won't be as witty, or perhaps even as vulgar as either of yours, but at least I'm doing it.

So, as my first post, just a thank you. I hope I eventually have something fun to contribute, 'cause lord knows there aren't enough Red Wing and Steelers fans to go around (And just for the record, I've been a Steelers fan since 75 and Wings fan since 84, so don't even give me that bandwagon shit). I just need to be heard, even if it's just by a bunch of fiber optic cable and Cisco switches.

As I tell my lady friends, Onward Ho!