Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Moo really cares Oprah?

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I like Oprah less than I like the French. I can't stand this broad. How many times are we going to be subjected to her stupid diets, her stupid weight gains, her stupid, stupid, stupid guests (Tom Cruise? The "Pregnant Man" who's biologically a woman?) , her stupid crusades, her stupid ideas.

If you're one of the sheep that follow this incomprehensibly self-righteous piece of filth, and you enjoy her work, I am truly sorry. Not for you mind you, and not for Oprah. I'm sorry that our society can prop up this cow so high on a pedestal yet she with her billion dollars does far too little work for society as a whole. Brangelina, whom I'm not very fond of either, does 50 times the work she does. At least Brad is building homes for people in THIS country. Yes, she has her school in Africa or some sh*t. The same school that had an abuse scandal going on. Wow Oprah, glad you can give those poor kids an opportunity to get molested. Great f*cking job.

As I surf the internet daily, I see her ads for "Try Oprah's Weight Loss Plan with Trainer Beady Eyed Douche!". Whatever his name is. Apparently his weight loss plan works so well, you'll break 200 pounds!!!! I'm disgusted. I need a break. brb.

200 pounds! Good LORD! I got pissed when I broke 200 pounds! And I'm a 6'1" man! At what point as a celebrity that's on TV every day do you realize that you're a COW? And then she has the audacity spout poor me crap? ""It's about using food – abusing food. Too much work. Not enough play. Not enough time to come down. Not enough time to really relax." She adds: "I am hungry for balance. I'm hungry to do something other than work.""

Too much work?? If you were working too hard, you wouldn't have time to stuff your fat face now would ya? Hungry for balance? Hungry for something other than work??? HOLY #$%^&!!!! You're obviously hungry for fifths at the China Buffet! Hey Oprah, you fat cow, Goodyear called, and they want to use you for aerodynamic testing at their blimp research facility! Have you been near Yellowstone lately?

And finally, you fat f*cking hypocrite, you end your article with this drivel... "One of the things I had to learn to do is to embrace this body that I have and be grateful for what this body has given me," she says. "God blessed me and this body. I mean, I could weep right now thinking about the love and appreciation I have for this body. For that, I am truly grateful."

Had to learn? I could weep? Are you f*cking kidding me???? You self centered pig! Embrace this body? Maybe with 3 more people you could try it. I've never liked you Oprah, and you can take your billion dollars and your sheep and shove them up your fat 200 pound ass. This goes beyond boycott. I think PETA should take away their praising of her (ooh! she dedicated a show to her dog! Let's give her a PETA award!), because she's not gaining weight eating vegetables, that's for damned sure. I sure hope she donated a few mil (not mentioned in the article), because eating like a pig doesn't make you sympathetic toward animals.

This country is going through it's worst economic crisis ever. Why don't you think of something besides menu items to focus on. I for one don't give a rat's ass about you, but you should really think about and help the people who got you to where you are. God forgive me, but I hate you.


Lori said...

My sister and I were pissed about opera. When you're in your 50s with a thyroid condition it's OK to be kind of fat. It's just because her fuckin magazine is bombing. whatever.

Anonymous said...

It is sad how much of the country follows every word she says. They call it the Oprah factor. Years ago, I sold specialty food, and the moment she mentioned Rat Balls are a great flavor enhancement, we would sell out. (Not really, but you get the point). I never have thought highly of the Pitts, but compared to Oprah they are Saints. Besides, AJ is hotter. Nothing against BBW but, please, her weight changes faster than the stock market. I dont get it. You are very correct in saying she should do something HERE. However, IRT the African school, yes, terrible things happended, but that was not her fault. Look at the terrible things that happen here. Guys dressing up as Santa and blowing away children who answer the door...sick sick. The world we live in is a place that makes me sick. That is why I don't think Aliens are here...why would they want to conquer us. We are to busy sticking things up other peoples ASS, why would they fly across the galaxy to do it for us?

In seriousness, you have some valid points. What is your take on Obama and Binden? Remember the NSA is reading this... ;)

Symo said...

Being a conservative independent with splashes of liberalism doesn't mix very well, but I'm never happy when the Dems are in power. However, I'll say that Obama so far has said all the right things. His speech last night was excellent, and unprecedented as far as president-elects go. I find myself bristling whenever I see him, but when he's done talking it's all good and I think we're the greatest country in the world, so he's doing just fine. I thing he's going to be one of the best Presidents ever, if he does what he says he's going to do. Biden? Ugh. If he makes it in office (after 8 years of Obama), we're all going to look back fondly on the Bush years. Seriously, have you seen the clips on YouTube? I might have to write a separate piece on that, but we'll see. I don't want to get too politico, it might tick off my hockey readers ;)

The thing that irritated me most about the Oprah/African school thing, is she built the damn thing, so it IS her fault. The captain of the ship is ultimately responsible for the actions of his or her crew, and this is no different. That drunk captain of the Exxon Valdez? He wasn't driving the ship at the time, but he's the one we hang the blame on.

So, I'm blaming Mooprah, because it's her ship, and she drove it into the sand bar as far as I'm concerned.

Try not to dwell on how sick the world is. The only reason it seems that the world is so horrible is because communication is light speed, and worldwide now. If we go back 40 years, men beat their wives who weren't allowed to work, alcoholism wasn't treated (along with most mental illness), and people died for simple infections. We've only just begun to become civilized in the past 100 years really, and that is nothing when you think about it. Good lord. We were hacking at each other with swords for a few thousand years, and raping and pillaging all that time. We complain about now? I wouldn't want to live back in 1800's Paris, that's for damn sure.
Not only did the women not shave, but they STANK! Eww!

Damn can of worms! I could've made this a whole post! lol... Thanks for chiming in, I like the way you think ;)

Oh, and you NSA folk who may be reading this? Let me know when you want to hire me because I want to help this country, not bash it. You know my address, so send me an application.

Julianne B. said...

Your Doprah Winfrey rant was cathartic for me (and hilarious). My mentally retarded brother shows better judgment than she does. And I wholeheartedly agree that she should be putting her fortune to work at home.

If you have a hundred dollars to spend on groceries, you feed your family first.

Way to go, symo!