Friday, January 16, 2009

Oh Boy, this is funny


Boy George! 15 months in prison for "falsely imprisoning" his lover, or whatever. I wasn't even going to read the article, but my morbid curiosity took over, and here we are. I didn't even think 15 months was that long for kidnapping, but there are lots of little inconsistencies with this story that I'm having a hard time understanding in between guffaws.

First of all, it's ruled as "False Imprisonment". What the hell does that mean anyway? That he didn't really imprison someone, but they were imprisoned anyway? I thought you either imprisoned someone, or didn't. Not a lot of grey area here. If he were a police department and arrested someone, then imprisoned them, I could see the false imprisonment. But he's not a cop, he's a homosexual, so unless he sang for the Village People at some point in his career, which I'm pretty sure he didn't, he doesn't have the right to imprison someone falsely. Okay, I'll accept the term for now. Let's move on.

I have to applaud Boy for remaining calm. Your friends and family though... "O'Dowd remained calm as he stood in the dock, but the verdict clearly shocked friends and family, some of whom burst into tears." What's so shocking about this? He was deemed guilty of pretty much a kidnapping crime, so he's being punished. You do the crime, you do the time. Like, OMG! I can't believe you're going to JAIL! Please. Quit your crying and move on.

But now, I have a bit of a beef (who says that anymore?) with the law and the facts here. This could take a while. "Taking into account the aggravating and such mitigating factors..."... "The singer had told police he had invited Carlsen back to his home after a cocaine-fueled pornographic photo shoot in January, 2007, because he suspected the Norwegian of stealing pictures from his computer." Good Lord, forgive me, but that's hysterical. Let's read that again!!! "The singer had told police he had invited Carlsen back to his home after a cocaine-fueled pornographic photo shoot in January, 2007, because he suspected the Norwegian of stealing pictures from his computer." Laugh my f*cking ass off, that's great. Why on earth you would TELL the police that you had returned from a cocaine fueled pornographic shoot I don't know, but I guess he thought the cops should know the facts. God Bless you Boy.

But wait? What's that? Ah, you invited him back to your house, after this coke porno party, because you think he's a thief, and a thief of photos to boot! Hey! Here's a great idea. Let's get all coked up, take some twisted porn pics, then we can go back to my place because you stole my pics! Sound good to you? Great!!! Not a lot of logic in that. Let's move on.

Warming up here... "During the two-week trial, Carlsen countered that the singer had handcuffed him to a wall and beaten him with a chain because he was angry he had refused to sleep with him when they first met." Well Boy, why didn't you want to do him this time? You got him all coked up, did some porno photo shoot, and got pissed because he didn't do you LAST time? I'm slipping. Need some help here.

Ah! This is where the law fails me. "Snaresbrook Court in east London heard Carlsen describe how he sustained injuries during their meeting in April, 2007, from being beaten and handcuffed. O'Dowd's lawyer said the injuries were consistent with bondage gear the Norwegian had worn."

So here, the Law shines. A couple of homosexuals get all coked up, do a pornographic photo shoot, go back to Boy's apartment, do the S&M bondage thing, never have sex apparently, and Boy is guilty of "False Imprisonment".


I wasn't in court, so I didn't hear the testimony. But, the "victim" was wearing bondage gear, was tied up... and... ?

Falsely imprisoned?


Okay pal, was it the Coke, the porn shoot, the bondage wear, the cuffs? Ah, that's it! It must've been the beating with the chain!


This is like the old lady spilling coffee on herself and suing McDonalds. At what point, super genius, did you realize this might not end up good? If you didn't want to f*ck Boy, you should NOT have accepted the Coke, NOT done the porn shoot, NOT gone back to his place, and certainly NOT modeled the bondage gear you f*cking MORON!

I wasn't there, so I don't know. Personally though, if you put yourself in a position to get beaten with a chain, you might not deserve it, but you shouldn't blame anybody but yourself for falling into the trap. 15 months for being pissed? Okay, okay, you shouldn't beat people with chains. But Boy, I have to sympathize with you on a level. He should've figured it out way before you even picked up the chain. Look at the bright side... at least you can get some in prison.


Zerosum said...

Boy George might get some material out of this for his new album....oh wait he cant profit from a crime... but he could profit from his experience of the coked porno shoot before he chained the guy wait who's handcuffs were they?

blurry mind on this one

Symo said...

After further consideration, I guess the porn/coke/s&m thing happened in April, which is when he stole the pics. THEN he went back to Boy's place to get tied up and beaten with a chain.

Hmmm. Maybe this defendant guy had the cuffs from when he subbed for the guy with the Village people.